Just have Faith

The recurring theme of my study this month. I really wanted to write down a few things I have found from the Prophets about Faith and what has taught me this month.

President Thomas S. Monson has counseled us that “faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other”

• Can I have faith that because this door is closing SOMETHING else isn't going to open.
• How can I not doubt that we would not have what we need when the real provider is our Heavenly Father.
  
• Why do I always forget that in order to have faith we usually have to DO something? And sometimes that "something" is humbling ourselves and asking others for help. Only because those people have probably ASKED for some way to give service to another.
  

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught how to respond to adversity. Part of his counsel included :The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable”

• This month STUNK... but I remembered how much I LOVE Dallas. Going out together on ONE date made me remember that we love each other. That we care about each other and we can laugh and love and make it more enjoyable while we are miserable :)
  
• And really, we have been through worse, so we will just pick ourselves back up and move on!

Last but no least : Prayer.. I think I have done more soul searching, tear strewn prayers in the last three weeks than I EVER have since my mission. The feelings of the Spirit are very strong. Its the rest that overpower and I forget to listen.

For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love and of a sound mind........ A scripture that I will always remember. Be not thou therefore afraid......

I am worried, but I am not afraid. I have no doubt, and hope that what I feel right now, the peace... is faith.

Because we are all REALLY trying our best

Despite the anger posts and frustrations over the past few weeks and months I have really tried today to find something that will help my insides. Whether or not we are trying to hurt each others feelings, looking for ways to be angry or even just taking whatever jabs we can with out meaning to or not we are all in it for one reason.

WE ALL REALLY THINK WE ARE DOING THE BEST WE CAN.
As mothers we have the ultimate guilt all the time. Did I do enough today? Did he watch to much Tv? Did I try to engage him in something good? Are they eating enough? Is he sick? Why did he throw up? And sometimes when the day is hard and the day is long and the day is full of disappointments and the mommy guilt is to much we get even more down on ourselves.

A phenomenon in the women world is how MEAN we are to each other. Honestly, Men don't do this to each other ( OK maybe a few do) but I never hear my husband say in Elders Quorum or on his blog or on twitter or a text that he was offended or hurt. (I don't know what it is about girls.)

Like I said in my other post I have really prayed hard to have the feelings go away. As I went about the morning I was so angry about something I had read. I really needed it to go away if I was going to be a mom today.

Elder Eyring's talk a month ago helped. Here are a few of the things I found.

I’m trying to be like Jesus; I’m following in his ways.
I’m trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,
“Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.”²

"Just as Jesus used a child in His mortal ministry as an example for the people of the pure love they must and could have to be like Him, He has offered us the family as an example of an ideal setting in which we can learn how to love as He loves.

That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is. And the sorrow comes primarily from selfishness, which is the absence of love."

The last statement of how the greatest joys and sorrows are felt in a family. That is so true. And I wish I didn't know that right now. I am ready to feel the joys.. Not the sorrows.

Whether people think of others as full of drama, that they are doing this to themselves or that we can find anger and something wrong in everything that is going on. The end result is EVERYONE .. every mother I know is really trying their best to do what they think is best for their child.

I know I am just trying my best. I am trying my best and like everyone else don't want to feel judged or attack.


He closes by saying "I hope you will go out today looking for opportunities to do as He did and to love as He loves. I can promise you the peace that you felt as a child will come to you often and it will linger with you. The promise is true that He made to His disciples: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you."

Ever had one of those days/months

I haven't had many bad days recently. Things are going really well with Tyler. Minus the bus lady incident ( which she ended up NOT getting transferred but had a lesson on how not to abuse my child) So things are going well. Emotionally and spiritually not so hot.

Let me explain:

I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and understand He has a plan. I understand His hand is watching over us and that again there is a plan.

Yet I fall short on SO many levels. One lately has been on forgiveness and total forgiveness. Instead it has been filled with anger and resentment. So much so that I can pretty much find fault in every single thing that people have said. Seriously, I am getting REALLY good. Even if it is something simple ( " I had a long day" for example could have me wanting to tell them off or getting angry etc ) Its bad.

I find myself constantly doing this. Its not even just one person. That is what makes me more frustrated than anything. If they have severely offended me or have attacked me in some way I find myself doing this. I find myself getting defensive so much that I feel like I am making myself have more anxiety than it is worth.

I have found myself really looking and looking for some guidance. I have been taking some time before Ty gets on the bus and reading last sessions Ensign. I have been praying for help and yet I still fall short.

I really feel like these people have and owe me an apology. I have apologized and have done so more than once to several of those I feel have wronged me. But it just isn't going away.

I know that I can and have changed I just wish I could understand that with others. It is not a fun feeling to feel defensive and angry.

Anyone else ever been there? Am I just bearing my soul for no reason!? I want to be able to forgive and forget. What has worked for you?

Conference Weekend

I LOVE conference weekend. It has been a long time since I have had conference weekend off and actually had the ability to sit down and WATCH it. Conference weekend is such a lift for me. For those that don't know what Conference is here is a LINK that allows you to watch it yourself. The reason behind the conference is so that we can hear our church leaders talk to us. (It is so amazing. You can read it online in about a week!)

I was able to catch up on some house cleaning and even talked Dallas into letting me buy some crafts. I have been wanting to finish up some decorating in the sitting room we have. So I took off into Orem to this new craft store I saw an ad for. I am in LOVE.

They have so much fun stuff I can't wait to go back.

Here are the 2 crafts I did for the living room


I also bought a Halloween crafty

It has been VERY therapeutic to craft away tonight. I can't wait till my Halloween craft is done and I can dress it on up and put it out! FUN!

General Conference

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I lived in a wonderful little town. If I close my eyes at night I can find all the places that gave me memories. I can get to Mindy's house with my eyes clothes. I know how to get to Sister Smarts going by the cemetery. I know what road to turn in to get to the Demarrow's. I remember the blue walls of the Wilsons.

I remember the feelings, and smells and the way I felt as I taught the families and shared my testimony of why I knew what I was teaching was true.

Conference weekend stirs the pot. Stirs ups some major feelings of the past, present and what I can't wait to do for the future.

We have been making some big decisions in our life and I wanted to make sure that the decisions that we had made were right. I learned in that small little town that if I took questions with me in my head to conference, wrote them down and prayed that I would know what to do, my prayers would be answered.

And boy where they.

I know that I am making the right choices with what we have chosen to do. I know that Tyler is a huge blessing and that he is the best thing that I can do in order to keep me in check. He is the most closest thing to Christ that I will ever come in contact with.

I have resolved to do better, be better and look forward to the future. That my future is only as bright as my faith.

I can do this. I can do what I have been entrusted to do.

I love Listening to the prophets.

(ps. I really want this photo. This little boy has glasses and looks like Tyler. The poem that goes with it is just what my heart needed. Thanks Amber for sending it to me)

My many blessings

I am so incredibly blessed this week. I have taken a lot of time to reflect on all the wonders and miracles that I have been given. There is so many more things than I can write down. I will do my best.

1- First of the list is Dallas. In the 4 valentines we have had they have been spent with our sweet baby in the hospital. Last year Ty had his EEG done the day before but the weekend off has been in the hospital. I can't even begin to tell you the love and admiration I have for this man. He is so strong and so caring and so loving. He is a solid rock when I need him and a softy when I need him to be. He is amazing. He is the best dad anyone could ask for.

2- Tyler. What more can I say. That little boy has endured more in his short little life than most of us combined yet he still takes the time to love on both of us. He is small in stature but he is a giant in Spirit. He has more Christ like love than anyone I know. He continues to bless my life with Miracle after Miracle. I am so blessed.

3- My Savior. I am so grateful for the testimony I have of Jesus Christ. For the understanding of the plan of salvation and how it brings happiness to us. If it wasn't for the teachings of eternal families I am not sure how I would get through times like this. If I didn't know that Dallas and Tyler can never be separated from me I would be lost.

I think those 3 things right there make me the luckiest and most blessed mom in the entire world.

Miracles Happen

General Conference

Growing up I hated General conference. I thought of it as a time that we didn't have to go to church and we could do what we wanted. I would listen but only long enough to do my Conference Bingo for seminary.

When I moved away to college and went to Provo I found that Conference was enojoyed by a few young people. It was the first time I sat down and watched it. I started to enjoy church and enjoy listening to what the Prophet and the apostles had to share with us. It was a signal of growing up I guess.

As the time went on I decided to serve a mission and Conference became a personal favorite. We would sit in the chapel and we would take notes. We would pray and prepare before hand and we would listen. I would take so much home from those meetings. They would make me feel rejuvenated and excited to share what I had learned.

Since entering back into the "real world" ( almost six years ago) and we don't have the rigourous study schedule that we had I have found the joy of conference still there. I look forward to what they have to say and enjoy listening to the apostles.

I just got done listening to Elder Wirthlin. He left tears in my eyes. I am overwhelmed by the love that the apostles have for each other. Elder Nelson got up to help him so he would be steady. But the gesture was perfect. Elder Wirthlin was speaking on Love. He encouraged us to find the true love of Christ. He spoke of how we feel when we Have true love in our homes.

I love listening to these wonderful men. They are amazing and carry such a spirit with them.

What a perfect day we have had. Listening to Conference and enjoying each other.