Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Ever had one of those days/months
I haven't had many bad days recently. Things are going really well with Tyler. Minus the bus lady incident ( which she ended up NOT getting transferred but had a lesson on how not to abuse my child) So things are going well. Emotionally and spiritually not so hot.
Let me explain:
I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and understand He has a plan. I understand His hand is watching over us and that again there is a plan.
Yet I fall short on SO many levels. One lately has been on forgiveness and total forgiveness. Instead it has been filled with anger and resentment. So much so that I can pretty much find fault in every single thing that people have said. Seriously, I am getting REALLY good. Even if it is something simple ( " I had a long day" for example could have me wanting to tell them off or getting angry etc ) Its bad.
I find myself constantly doing this. Its not even just one person. That is what makes me more frustrated than anything. If they have severely offended me or have attacked me in some way I find myself doing this. I find myself getting defensive so much that I feel like I am making myself have more anxiety than it is worth.
I have found myself really looking and looking for some guidance. I have been taking some time before Ty gets on the bus and reading last sessions Ensign. I have been praying for help and yet I still fall short.
I really feel like these people have and owe me an apology. I have apologized and have done so more than once to several of those I feel have wronged me. But it just isn't going away.
I know that I can and have changed I just wish I could understand that with others. It is not a fun feeling to feel defensive and angry.
Anyone else ever been there? Am I just bearing my soul for no reason!? I want to be able to forgive and forget. What has worked for you?