Do you REALLY need your toe?

We had discussed if we wanted to deal with the outdoor blow up pool for Tyler this summer. Last summer we LOVED it and we spent a great deal of time outside in it. This year, it was cold cold till just recently and now it is nice and hot by mid afternoon.

Our backyard looks great with nice green grass and our new fire pit when we want to get it out. It has been amazing for bbq's and we have had almost half our meals done on the grill, but I am not doing so hot with the heat. I think I am and then get in and realize I haven't had enough to drink. But we decided it would be a good idea to get a small pool and we have now added a tent with a tunnel to go with the outside fun.

We went out to open the box and fill the pool with water. Ty was sun screened up and we were ready to go. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and off we went. The pool didn't need the knife so I put it on the grass while we went about our pool business.

We heard kids and Ty wanted to see if they could come play so we walked across the street and checked. Then we headed back. I checked with D to see if he had time to help me put up the shade cover we have. He came out and I followed with my Shadow. I noticed the knife and I remember a quick flash of panic as I realized I needed to steer Tyler in the opposite direction so I stepped over the knife.

While Ty missed the knife, the knife got hold of my toe and cut right through it. Since I have fat feet it saved me because seriously this was bad. At first I didn't think it was bad and stopped and went to the kitchen to grab some paper towels to assess the damage.

As I started walking toward the kitchen table I noticed how much blood was on the floor. It was A LOT. As I walked 2 more steps I realized that with every step HUGE HUGE puddles were being left. I told D we needed to go get stitches. He came in and I took off the paper towel. Not only were we bleeding but it was a squirting one. With every heart beat came another gush.

He threw me a kitchen towel and I had soaked through it by the time he got upstairs, got my cell phone and got his shoes. Ty was crying standing at the door in his socks with blood all over them. I called our awesome neighbor who sent her girls over to get Ty and we wrapped that sucker till my other toes turned blue.

We went to what we thought would be a good insta care and closer than the one in Riverton. We were so wrong. They were slow as tar. Even by telling them 1) I am pregnant 2) we are high risk pregnant, 3) we are still bleeding the admittance people said oh well there is a wait of 30 minutes or more. We can see if the nurse can come and see if it is still bleeding but otherwise wait our turn.

We did and when we got back to the room and they took off the gauze it starting pulsing at the nurse. She used D's hand and got him to hold it while she got stuff to wrap it before the doc came in.

The doc was very nice and very polite. His accent and his mannerisms made me question his medical degree but thought whatever. I was so light headed that I needed to be laid down and water and a washcloth so I didn't pass out. Then he started the shots. HOLY HELL, those seriously hurt like heck. I almost kicked the man. Until the almost last one I kept my cool sort of and didn't cry but the last one did me in.

Dallas came to hold my hand and to sit with me while they did their business. They had to use a little tube thing to fix the vein I so nicely nicked and then ended up with 7 really nice big Stitches across my toe.

I was hoping for a nice set of pain pills to go with the swollen foot I now had but instead was told that I need DTAP shot but they weren't for sure I could get it in my third trimester and they didn't have just the Tetnaus shot. I didn't feel so comfortable with them not being for sure so we are required to request a DTAP at the hospital in July.

I had to spend the day with my foot up. I had some major contractions when we got home so I wasn't so sad about the sitting. I cried because I was frustrated with myself for hurting myself and for being a bone head.

So now on day 4 and it hurts like a beast but I don't seem to need anything to deal with them until night time. Then I get all swollen on one side. They look pretty HOT that is for sure.

Tyler went to the CIRCUS

*Oh MY GOODNESS!! This will totally have picture overload so I tried to limit them but Grandma would be mad if I didn't include SOME.*

On Tyler's birthday we were offered 2 tickets to the circus. I told Tyler we were going to go to the circus and he was so excited. We were waiting to see if we could get an extra ticket and were worried that D wasn't going to be able to go with us. LATE the night before the Circus we were offered one more ticket. We were so excited to go.

The next morning I woke up throwing up and sick, sick, sick. I spent the whole morning throwing up and was REALLY not sure if I could make it. I was so sad and upset. Come afternoon I was feeling MUCH better and Tyler couldn't stop talking about the circus. When he got off the bus he asked for the circus, when he went to bed the night before he asked about the circus.

We had no idea where we were sitting but were told it was "handicapped accessible." Normally that means that it is pretty easy to get to but not at the ES arena. So we arrived in time for the pre-show which gave Tyler a chance to be out on the floor with some performers up close so he could see.

While we were there Tyler and Dallas stayed and I needed to run and see if we could get our seats changed. The handicapped seats were very far away and he wouldn't be able to see. When I went down to the problem ticket counter and asked if they could change our seats. At first they said no because the tickets were comp'd by the show and not purchased by anyone. I thanked them and left.

We got some yummy dinner food from the concessions ( blah.. ) and of course popcorn. Ty ate the WHOLE thing. We sat down and got a tap on our shoulder from the problem ticket dude who asked us to follow him.

He offered us seats in the 4th row. It was seriously amazing being that close to all of the performers. I was VERY impressed. What made it even better was Tyler and his expression as they did their thing.

The Ringmaster was very good, but very loud. He rarely stood still for longer than three seconds.

As the circus started Ty shoveled in the popcorn. I am not sure if he was nervous or what. He ate almost the whole container of popcorn. He was VERY good through the whole thing.

This is the lady that twirls on a really high rope by her hair! so incredibly NUTS.

The crazy motorcycle riders.

Ty decided to sit with Dallas through the last part of the show. I think he is excited a little bit.

I love the Elephants. They are such HUGE cute animals. There is something majestic about them and I really liked them. At the end of the circus they brought out the newest member of the crew and it was a baby elephant. Ty pointed and said " Baby Elephant and his mommy."

And the end of the show! It really was the best show on earth. Ty loved it and he was awake and aware of everything around him. It was a show of wonder, awe and most of all SEEING!

We have just recently noticed that his vision is something that really does impact so many things. Something small, like sitting close to the circus, means SO much.

Special thanks to those who gave us the tickets to go. At the cost of the seats that we needed it would have cost us well over 300 bucks. We had the best time and Ty still talks about his trip to the circus.

*Click on the pictures if you want them to be bigger.*

Four Walls

There are four walls. Four walls that create our home. Four walls that have created a safe haven and a place that is a shelter for the three of us. Not just in a physical sense but in an emotional one.

The four walls have given me a perspective of Tyler that I wouldn't change. ( The perspective I wouldn't change, but I would make things easier for him. ) In these four walls we don't notice that he is different. In fact the only time we notice is when we leave the four walls. />

When we go places people look and people stare. At first I didn't notice or didn't want to notice. Every once in awhile the people who were staring would whisper or say things. Sometimes it was just curious questions and they were innocent. Sometimes they would be cruel and point and stare.

I became aware of words. Words like Retard, short bus, and slow. All those words that mean hateful, mean things. Things that we all laughed about at one point or used so casually we didn't think of the others around us. With the delays and the life we live we now those words affect us.

As Tyler is getting older we know he will be moving into a world where he is very different from his peers. He doesn't walk with a normal gait, his eyes don't look or work like others, and his talking is far from up to par. He has different actions than most and he sometimes acts MUCH younger than is "ancient" almost 5 years.

But the one thing he isn't is dumb.

He is aware that he can't do the things that other people do. They are harder for him. He wants to join in all by himself but he can't. He wants to be able to hop on a bike and pedal up the street. He wants to be able to chase a ball in the yard and throw it up. He wants to be able to all of those things.

I don't expect anyone to bend over backwards to include Tyler because I know that isn't going to happen. What I do expect is that you teach your children. Everyone is different. Not one person is "normal" or "regular." Some are smart, some wear glasses, some have red hair and some eat with a tube. Just because they are different than them they aren't bad, strange, weird, stupid or any other term you want to use.

In the four walls of our home he has only known people who accept him and love him and play with him. That is ALL he knows. He only knows love. He doesn't know hate. He doesn't know that he can't do something. He only knows that when he wants to try something someone is there to help him. There are no mean words.

Only people who love him remember to include him. They invite him to do things. They visit him when he is sick, they want to watch him. They learn his words, they take his pictures and they otherwise KNOW Tyler.

I can't make the four walls any bigger. I have to hope that other people have taught in their four walls that its OK to be different.

Out of the WHOLE experience today it made my heart hurt that I was not able to shelter him from hearing those words. That I was not sheltered from hearing those words. It made me sad that when I send him out into the world that I have failed to keep him safe.

Hula Hawaii

A vacation? Um no.

I so WISH!

Ty is obsessed with the Beach ( he says BEEshhh) and the Ocean ( oshen), water and swimming but most importantly HULA DANCING!

I am not sure the first time he learned to Hula but he stands up and hula dances for a couple of movies. He has a Barney Beach that he LOVES and has watched a TON since being sick this last week. He usually uses his blanket for his skirt.

We were SUPER tired of being in the house. Like 4 walls were VERY closing in around us. So just before noon we took off and went to see Dallas at work. He was just leaving for lunch with the guys from the office so we took off and went to Burger king.

I let him play.. for a LONG time. I was totally grossed out too! Knowing how many germs there were and that he is all over and licks walls and touches the floor and is eating his burger on ...GROSS! But I let him play. I looked up and he as CLIMBING UP THE SLIDE ( he was the only kid there) because he couldn't get up the other way. He was so funny!

We left there to run errands. First stop was the dollar store. As soon as we walked in he saw the Luau stuff. He pointed to the grass skirts and started to Hulu. Since it was the dollar store I thought HECK why not!

We went to 3 other stores and he carried the skirt around to all 3. I asked if he would leave it in the car and he said no. So he took it.

When we got home.... OH how freaking funny and cute.... He asked to put it on and he was so happy that he had a grass skirt.

He asked for Barney Beach and when BJ would put his on, so did Tyler. He would dance and dance and dance. I would LAUGH and Laugh and then try not to pee my pants. ( Just kidding! I think ) Ty also got a beach ball so we would count and he would say wreee( three) and HIT! ( kick or catch!)

He seems to really be catching on to all of the fun stuff. But really I think he just wants to go on a vacation and see the BEACH and the HULA girls.

Paper Plate Bugs

A few months ago I posted about our Sock Puppets. When we were in search of a Mickey Mouse after the hair cut we ran across another kit that I knew that Tyler could participate in.

He has become a lot more interested in coloring and painting. He brings home activities from school that he has "obviously" done himself.

I love them.

They hang on Dallas' "office" door.

This week they worked on Kites and last week was bugs. So I thought this was super perfect.

The Kit comes filled with A TON of bug options. Full of colors and fun stuff!

We chose a Bee. With the bright colors I knew he would LOVE it.

As I handed him the stickers for his face he made the MOST amazing and cutest face in the entire world. A face only a mom could love !

The fuzzy antennae was a HIT!

Along with bugs we did LOTS of letters. Ty is obsessed with the Alphabet and he has several sets ( thanks to Grandma) and we opened a brand new set of flash cards today. He uses flash cards at speech too.

He picks a card, tells us what is on the back and then loudly says the letter. He knows EVERY 26 letters. It is amazing.

Put them in the pile

And REPEAT!

If anyone knows of a way to get those letters to combine for a word I am ALLL ears!

Being the Hero

Tyler is my hero. He is such a strong kid that has gone through SO much. He is strong, loving, caring and has the most Charity as anyone I know. He is forgiving. He is all the things that make the world a great place.

I am lucky because I am the mom to this Hero. I get to see so many more things than anyone else. Nobody but his dad knows just how funny he is and how great he is. He is so much more active behind closed doors and he is saying so many more things.

Sunday I went to walmart to pick meds up and while walking in the store found 2 of the cutest and perfect pair of Pajama's. Mickey Mouse and Thomas the Train. Ty LOVES Mickey Mouse and he loves trains.

I brought them home and sure enough... I became some CUTE boy's hero!

He wanted the shorts on RIGHT THEN. So he sat on the potty and then got the shorts. He wore them to bed and when I tried to get them off ... NOPE!

We went to get his hair cut this afternoon and even when they were all itchy he still wanted them on. Lucky for us we had his Thomas pair tonight.

He is such a Great kid. I feel pretty lucky!

Bathtub moments

The moments that I never want to disappear are the ones that have no way to last!

At some point in the future my child will grow up. I realize that now. But till then, I am LIVING in every moment. Knowing that soon. He will be to big.

After our long day on Monday, I really wanted to hop in the tub with the kid and just have US time. So that is what I did.

We spent the next 15 minutes LAUGHING and hugging. He made memories for me that will last a really long time.

He is so so so sweet.

He is the most innocent thing in the world. I can't begin to understand the true love that he has for us. He has us wrapped around his little finger.

He never holds a grudge.

He teaches me so much unconditional love.

Please, little boy. Stay little.

Stay innocent

Stay mine