March Trip for mom- North Carolina- A trip with Hydrocephalus Warrior moms

I was recently appointed to a Position by the National Hydrocephalus Association to chair the National Hydrocephalus association WALK here in the Metro Phoenix WALK. The old walk chairs didn't secure a spot so I am scrambling to find a spot for this year. I sent in an application but haven't heard anything so next week, now that school is OVER, to secure a spot for us to have this shin dig!

I took a small trip to Charlotte North Carolina and met with a few mommas that have kiddo's with Hydrocephalus. I was able to met with 2 amazing moms who have kiddos' that were 25 week preemies. We were insta sisters. It felt so so good to be able to use humor and laughing to get back into the groove of me!!  Sometimes I miss me. The me that has fun. The me that isn't defensive with all the other people in a "support group" that doesn't support, but judges.

We all had some sort of connection around the table. One of us even shared our latest neurosurgeon. He left HER to come to US!! But left US to go to North Carolina! We are working super hard to get Gabby Gifford to come to our walk this year and really make it a good fun walk. But we need to do it at a time that is not hot as Haiti!

We had 2 long days of really LONG and not well put together lectures. But some great after noon activities where we could chat, laugh and laugh and laugh and eat. Then go to bed early. The WORST part.....

DAY LIGHT SAVINGS TIME..... What the CRAP is that .. We woke up Sunday and we had Sprung ahead an hour. Arizona didn't change time, so we were 3 hours different. This waking up early thing, that meant our 9 AM wake up was 6 am in my body. NOT COOL. But totally explained my 4 hour flight home VS the 3 hour flight in.

I was excited to see the boys when I got home. I slept a bit on the plane but was glad to get to Sky Harbor. Nothing was better than being home.

This is what home sweet home looks like!!!!





Oh yes. And we can't forget the temperature difference, now can we!!

Nancy Brown Photography

I haven't done many past posts of my photography in a while. But after trying to get everyone discs, I thought I would share a few of the ones that are going out of my inbox.

Like I said in a few previous posts, I joined a group called The Photographers Adventure Club. I have had so many chances to take some classes and participate in some awesome photo shoots. Not limited to REAL models and awesome cars, to the most recent Blog SEO by an amazing wedding photographer Melissa Jill.  And we can't forget the amazing Michele Celantano and her posing class.

Here are a few I sent out.

I did a Great to be *8* photo shoot with 2 little girls. One was sent out this last week. But the shoot was even before the Michele workshop!

And of course some of my own kids.







I have 2 family photo shoots I did. They will be coming out as soon as the people get their files. And I shot a newborn last week. I can't wait for cool season and to really get out there. This Monsoon business is kinda a downer. It is hot and gross and humid. I miss the days of the park already and the days of lunch at Tempe Beach!

If you know of anyone in the East Valley interested in having photos at an affordable rate, please send them my way. If you know of anyone that needs them done in a Studio, I have one of those too!!


Also, if you are looking to improve your skills and learn more about photography and how to use your equipment or even how to do post processing. Sign up with the PAC!! In fact, I just saw Nicholas posting a new Lightroom class. Oh and a model shoot ( with a discount, if you bring a friend!)

The Guilt

I have guilt.

The selfish kind of guilt.

Some days it is easier than the next.

Other days it is so in my face that I can't help but break down and actually have to face it.

I feel guilty that I put my son through hell.

I feel guilty that all of those scars on his sweet body I allowed them to do .

The thousands of mini burns on his eyes, I signed a paper that said they could do that.

The battle wounds that grace his perfectly round head I allowed them to do that.

I watched day after day while he was on a ventilator, praying that God would give me MY baby to take home.

I prayed for him to live.

I asked others to pray for him to live.

I am selfish.

Yet every day I look at him and wish it were easier for him.

I take him to therapy.

I give him kisses.

I read him books.

I make him laugh.

He gives me kisses.

He makes me laugh

And I love him.

I am selfish.

Dear Depo Lupron... I hate you.

It hasn't even been a week and I am not sure if I can last 3 months let alone 6. I got my "first" round of Depo Lupron Monday. I have been nauseous, irritable and moody and emotional. And we haven't really even started yet.

So the back ground you ALLL want to read. When I was 16 we figured out that I was not "right." Most girls had started menstruating in Junior high and even elementary. But I was the lucky one. I was a junior in high school and NOTHING. We went to a doctor in Price and he gave me pills to start my period once a month. Are you kidding me? What girl would really want to HAVE a period so Junior year was kinda a joke. I wasn't going to make myself have a period. Senior year I had one periodically. Freshman year in college we got down to business. I found a doctor up here because when would have a period it was debilitating. I was SICK and couldn't get out of bed. I would throw up, cramp and the works.

So at 18, no real cycle, and debilitating symptoms we found Dr. Anderson. He is the jolliest man in the world. He is like a Santa Clause in a bow tie. Dr. A fixed my problem for the time and gave us some information about endometriosis. He "suspected" at that time that was what was causing my issues.

At 20 I was getting ready to go on a mission. And I was getting sicker. We opted to go the surgery route and my first Laproscopy was performed. He would take out what was there ( and there was stuff there) and sew me up and send me on my way. I felt SO much better.

I was on birth control for a while, then went on my mission. Things were going ok and until I got home the birth control worked. After a while we needed to switch it up a little and we started on continuous birth control. No period until my body broke through the birth control.

When the break through started it wouldn't stop. I was home from my misson a few months and our next step was depo Lupron. So I started my first round EVER. It was not so bad. I had horrible hot flashes. The biggest was the weight gain. But I had no choice and I knew I needed to do this.

I finished my first six months and moved to Logan. Not long the depo lupron wore off and after six months I needed a laproscopy. In October of 04 I had surgery. I was 24. By this time I am getting frustrated about this disease. It makes me sick A LOT.

In April 2005 I get pregnant. Something I was told would probably never happen. We were on NUVA ring as a continuous but some how we still got pregnant. Having a baby helped tremendously and it took about 2 years before I got sick again.

In 2007 we started another round of depo lupron. We would do this for 9 months before finding some large endometriomas, or masses of cells in my body that look like cysts or tumors. They were horrible and pretty painful. I was getting sicker. So April 2008 we did another surgery.

So a small side note: When I had Tyler the circumstances around his emergency delivery made my csection a mess. I had a transverse cut UP my uterus so I have scaring from that, and I also have some major scaring around the bikini cut that had to be redone as well. So my uterus and surrounding area is a big ball of adhesion's and scar tissue.

In the surgery in 2008, they found endometriosis and some really really bad adhesion's. Those adhesion's can be found on my bladder, bowels and my sciatic nerve. It makes my leg go numb. Then adding the regular endometriosis I am not a Happy person a few times a month.

They were able to remove a lot of them. But knowing that with a uterus still there it will always grow back. So we did another round of depo lupron after and I was able survive.

We were off birth control and "trying" to get pregnant for over six months and nothing. But I did have a cyst and another endomtrioma instead. We opted to not keep trying and get help first. Moving back to Utah let us come back to my doctor and he has jumped in full force.

The end of December I started bleeding through my birth control. It went away for a week and then it showed back up with a vengeance. It was not nice. So after 2 weeks of bleeding Dr Anderson didn't give me a choice. He said I have dysfunctional uterine bleeding. He needed to get it stopped and we needed to decide to have a baby or not to.

To get the dysfunctional bleeding to stop I have to take depo lupron. See the trend. Its HORRIBLE.

So that brings us to Monday. The shots came in and we are ready to go for 3 months. The side effects are certainly showing their face. I have less patience with my family. Dallas gets snapped at and since Tyler is not being Tyler I am going crazy.

The side effects are yucky. And for the first 3 weeks of the shot you feel really bad. Like REALLY bad. In fact you kinda feel pregnant. The weight gain comes and the snackies come. And then the hot flashes... Oh joy.

I am not ready to give up my uterus yet. I am not ready to let go of the dream I have. It is such a hard thing sometimes to know you are broken.

But man depo Lupron.. I still hate you!