In the Middle of the Night

With the bus incident this week I have had a HARD week.

Hard.

Not only was MY emotions out of whack but he wasn't feeling well. He had Rotovirus since last week and just hasn't felt well. Thankfully that resolved before sending him back to school on Wednesday.

My emotions, however, were not getting better. But a realization of so many things. A self reflective kind of emotion.

The night after Ty was forgotten on the bus I was awoken with the very distinct memory/dream or thought to say a prayer. I don't know why and I don't know what I was suppose to say a prayer about but given my experience in the past, strange ideas come to you in the night and you better act!

Ty got up soon after that and it was early. We went downstairs and started a movie and got breakfast for him. I laid on the couch and the thought came again. So I acted again.

I was laying on the couch ( I am not kidding.. it was EARLY) and my thought was "Maybe you know how it feels to not hear from your child. Yours was 40 minutes. When was the last time you talked to me."

And the "idea" was shocking.

I pray. But how long as it been since I have really prayed? How long has it been since I realized just how important Tyler is and how many blessing he brings to us. That with the trials he is the ONE thing that is the most important for Dallas and I.

The panic of NOT having Tyler here was more than I can bear. He is the sun and the moon. He is the world to both of us! Never again do I want to feel like my world just got turned upside down. In doing so, I need to remember where I came from and be thankful. And share that thanks.

Give Thanks. Hug the ones I love.

And Tell them often.

I love you.

Left Without A Voice

It's just after 12 and I rush downstairs to wait by the window.

My little dude is suppose to be home soon. He has NEVER gotten home after 12:10 in his whole preschool career.

I sit by the window watching.

Waiting.

The noon news ends and it is 12:30 and STILL no Tyler.

I call the school and the teacher says he has been put on the bus. Her part is done. Here is a number. I feel a lump rise in my throat and call the number. The rude lady on the other end gives me ANOTHER number.

12:35.

Where are they? We live less than half a mile away from the school.

Something is wrong.

12:40

The lady gets back on and says that the bus had a few extra kids today and they are on their way.

12:55

FINALLY the yellow bus rolls up.

The bus Driver explains that a mom forgot to be there to pick up their kid. So they waited a little longer. Then went about their route. They were over by maverick ( not sure WHICH maverick there are 2 one CLEAR in town and one JUST up the street) and realized that they still had Tyler on the bus. So they finished what they were doing and brought him home.

Sorry... it wont happen again.... And the Aide pipes in... didn't you get my message?

No missed call on my cell phone.

AND I was ON my phone so no message on my machine like she claims.

Tyler ALWAYS sits right behind the bus driver. How can you FORGET? And you have a lady who's job it is to MAKE SURE all the kids are off the bus and safe.

It is your job.

Tyler is non verbal. He doesn't really "talk" He can't tell you what his name is. He can't tell you something is wrong. He can't tell you you forgot to take him home..And most importantly he can NOT tell ME that they hurt him.

He was on the bus for 45 minutes. MUCH longer than he NORMALLY is on that bus.

Panic. Fear and then worry. Replaced by a sense of relief that he was home.

But who do you go to? I waited till I was done being SOOO mad.

I called the district transportation. They apologized and said they were sure it was a sub. I assured them it was his real bus driver.

I feel mad.

I feel angry.

I feel mad at myself.

I feel sad.

How could I leave him without a voice?

My MOST prized possession in the WHOLE world was left without a voice