It isn't your right....

When I was 21, I made a decision that has literally changed my life. Some of the things I learned were not until recently and some of the choices that I made and some of the things that I learned haven't really been apparent until the last six months. Some even the last 3. But that choice has changed who I am and who I want to be.

I went on a mission. I was called to serve for the duration of 18 months. I served 15 and after plenty of discussion with my mission president,  came home. I was honorably released and spent the next 5 months talking in every single ward in my parents stake. Some people thought I had done something to be "sent home." But that was not the case. I was honorably released and I served the Lord to the best of my ability. 

I have been in contact ( thank you facebook) with some families that we SO crucial to my mission. They are the people who you think about often. One girl I taught found me on facebook. She is active, but only recently got baptized. She sends me a message every few days. Another came to Arizona and came to visit after I had my hyserectomy. She was so pivotal in how I saw other people. 

So as I was talking to one of these families, they were laughing and said that they couldn't believe how Molly Mormon I was. I was shocked. I had never been told I was a Molly before. This person said that they were shocked that I didn't judge them. And that I was not condemning their actions, even though I knew that once upon a time, this family was not the way they were now. 

This really took me by surprise. I asked Dallas about it and he said that I really was a Molly. In that it never crossed my mind to think badly of people or to judge them until those people had judged me or hurt me to the point of not wanting them around anymore. 

Then this last week there has been some things on Facebook about minding your own business and that it isn't our job to judge. I truly, truly believe this. 

Betty White said "...Mind your own business, take care of your affairs and don't worry so much about other people." The reason I like this is because it is TRUE. 

I was so consumed by other people that I let Facebook drama and family drama, and other people drama, to worry me. I couldn't do what I know I should, which was to do as my mission president told me when I finally learned to serve. He told me " Forget about yourself and go to work. You can't show charity and love if you don't forget about you and go to work." ( President Quist) 

I am not a missionary any more. But the idea is the same. If I forget about myself there are plenty of ways to serve. But you can only do that when you do truly forget about yourself. You stop worrying about other people. You don't worry who has what, who has more money, who is getting more time with grandparents, who is hurting your feelings or a many array of things that truly don't matter. Instead you get to work. You look around you and say " Oh look, that person on facebook said they were struggling today. Maybe I could take them dinner." Or " Look, my mom is really struggling today with her self esteem, maybe I should send a card." It won't even get there for a few days but by then YOU have forgotten about it and you have ust made that persons day. You do that as a mom daily when you don't worry if they have the best clothes, an ipad or even vacations, but you truly love them, cherish them and put them first. 

Another of the things that has been brought up by others in our mission is the quote " My God, my Companion and me. It is just us a three." Life went so much better when we put someone else first. I struggled with that for SO long. But when I have spent the month focusing on Dallas, life has been So much better. Why? Because showing him Charity ( or the pure love of Christ) has shown him how important he is in our family unit. It has given me a whole new respect for him as my spouse and to allow me to think of someone else. In turn, I have been able to count my blessings and see where I am even more blessed than I realized. 

My sweet Auntie Loretta posted this the other day. I found it to be very profound. 

I can do so much better at his. But this is what I am working on this school year. Think of others and not myself. It isn't my job to judge other people. It is only my job to love them.

Llama Llama Holiday Drama

Our new bed time routine in Arizona has included a few books being read along with the flash cards of the 100 words most used in first grade. Ty does amazing with the words. He also gets to pick his 2 books and sometimes 3. He, if he got a high mark for the day, gets to watch the ipad with whatever he wants for about 20 minutes. But the book comes first.

I have never read him the Llama Llama series and I know he has read them at school but he chose this book at the book fair at school. We have noticed how excited he has been about Christmas so we have started reading this book, very regularly.

I really like this book. It really does ring in the new year with a twist of how a sensory person like Ty can’t handle the rest of the holiday. I don’t think that he catches on that little Llama, just can’t get a hold on the excitement which ends in a meltdown.

But the sweet Mama Llama make it all better.

Those who want to read it, do. It really is like how our life is when we do holidays. There is SOOO much anticipation that just a little bit happens and we are all done. Sometimes we melt other times we don’t.

So, Bring on the holiday....

Llama Llama Mamma!

Forced Perspective

I have written about perspective and how one perspective isn't always the right one or the wrong one. Lately, I have had a lot of people that have different perspectives and ideas and outlooks in my life. Some I can say I am happy to have there, others... well not so much.

Why? Not because their outlook was wrong, incorrect or different, but because the victim can't see outside a box. You know, the people who always tell you that you should walk in their shoes but refuse to walk in yours. The ones that won't give you the benefit of the doubt and you always feel like you have to defend yourself.

Some things I have learned in the journey is that even if you have a kid with special needs doesn't mean you know what someone Else's life is like. But that also means that they don't know what it is like for me. We all may experience similar parts of special needs worlds ( like appointments and therapy and more therapy) but the outcomes, life challenges and life altering things are VERY different.

When I had Tyler my sister had been in a situation where her child was VERY sick. He had been virtually in kidney failure since the day he was born and no one knew it. When they did figure it out it took lots of things medically to keep his life going. He had a few issues with growth that she had to deal with but eventually he was sick enough to need a life saving transplant that has changed his life.

She wrote me a letter that I got when I was in the hospital recovering from a c-section with some advice. I don't know if I know where the letter is exactly but I can probably say after 5 years not all of it applies. But some did then and it was VERY comforting to know she had been through a lot and got "it." She never stepped foot in the NICU with her son, but she did with mine. She never went through painful brain surgeries with her son, but did have to do painful things to him to get him to grow. Her path was VERY different, yet there is a similarity into how we are feeling.

Kayden is now a healthy, crazy, to much energy almost 7 year old who you would NEVER know had any of those problems. Her "special needs" world is small small and consists of not one thing that I have to do as Tyler's mother. But she still worries like I do when he needs tubes, or a small surgery and even a large one. Why? Because to her it is a BIG deal. To her it is her world and her pain and her suffering that is real to HER. To me, it isn't brain surgery but I think that for her it is a big deal and she deserves and needs comfort.

We had infertility issues right along with my brother and his sweet wife. We were comparing med lists for several months to cross off what ones the other is NOT doing and thinking we were lucky. We got to the end of our financial and emotional rope much sooner than they did and they kept going. We opted for a cheaper course of meds and got them maxed out and decided we were all done and scheduled a hysterectomy for July. We got pregnant, they are still stuck in that HORRIBLE roller coaster ride.

I sat through 2 pregnancies of my sisters laws and while I prayed for them to have healthy children and that they were happy, I was miserable. While I was so thankful that they all HAD healthy children my heart was breaking. Telling my brother and his wife that we were pregnant was hard and heart breaking for them and for us. I don't know what their journey is like for them. But I imagine ours and think, that must be really hard for them and share what I can in what I feel is comfort. In return, I had hoped and prayed that that comfort would come to me in our time of need.

I had found a long lost college friend while we lived in Arizona and found we had gone through a lot of similar but not similar things. She has children with Autism. ( I will be the FIRST one to stand up and say I have NO idea what that is like. ) I am open to wanting to learn and understand but do know that Ty is a sensory ball of fire like those that I do know with Autism. I also see how functioning they are and am quite jealous of their functionality in society. But I don't know what it is like for them

These are the ones that never want to walk in my shoes. The ones where similarities are there but vast differences aren't. They complain about this and that and when another perspective is brought in they say something like " You have no idea what it is like for me." My answer.. no I don't. But do you know what it is life for me? When they tell me that I should walk in their shoes, that means they want to walk in mine....right?

Recent example: Lately Ty has not been getting on the bus in the morning. For one reason or another we miss the bus and I don't have to leave to take him to school until 9. Every morning there is someone parked in the Handicapped stalls that doesn't have a permit who is sitting there sipping her diet coke waiting. The OTHER stall is filled with another mini van doing the same thing. In between that stall is places for van access of kids with wheelchairs. And a car that squeezed its way in.

We end up not parking there and having to drive around the school or around the side of the building furthest from his classroom. For me to walk that distance is no big deal. But for Ty it is a HUGE deal. He gets tired, he starts to trip and he wants me to pick him up. All the while women in van 1 and 2's children hop out and run to class and mom drives away.

Well there are people who don't think that is wrong. One said person said to me about the situation. " I park in handicapped parking all the time while I wait for my husband. I see nothing wrong with it. But I have a handicapped parking permit now and it totally helps when have to walk into the hospital." Um yes.. see when you NEED it, it does its job. What you failed to realize is that WE NEED IT. And someone was using it who DIDN'T NEED IT. But since you have physically healthy children with all working appendages you don't live in my world to understand why that would be offensive.

Why then do you expect me to want to try and understand you on sensory issues.? Or why would you think I wouldn't feel obligated to defend myself against what you have to say? If you are complaining day after day of bed rest and all of a sudden hit a magic number and have no restrictions would you EVER be complaining. Because we know if you were EVER in the NICU it would be way worse than anyone and the complaining wouldn't stop... even though you "said" you were so over being pregnant.

The "reminding" it could be worse can sometimes be the forced perspective we fight against. I fight against it when I feel attack. I embrace it when you will discuss it as an adult. We all have different things we see. Are they right? Are they wrong? No... but perspective changes depending on the path we are on.

Ty is DRAMA!

This talking Tyler thing is so much fun!! I can honestly say I RARELY, RARELY get tired of hearing his sweet little voice. He is however, FULL of drama. So much so that I can't help but laugh.

Here are a few Drama Tyler antics:

Playing scooter outside with the neighbor kids. He had a hard time getting it to turn right so he just throws it down and throws himself down SOBBING. I asked him what was wrong and he said " The Scooter broked. This is TERRIBLE" sobbing continues.

We went to walmart to replace a broken golf putter. ( The drama at finding the broken putter was funny) We ran to "Aunt Jenifer's store" and then I asked him if he was ready to go home. He looked and me and said " No, the movie store is next." I explained to him he got a 3 pack on Monday and he said " Oh momm-e I am so sad." ( we didn't get more movies. He just cried when we got home.

He recently started telling us he has a owie. It usually is when he wants to be Dr. Tyler. He also started telling is "It hurts" when he really doesn't want to do something. I offered him his first bandaid last night and he just sat there and stared and then demanded it come off.

This morning he asked for his sticker for his owie. He wore it all day and when I told him it was time for a bath he FREAKED out. He was crying and crying because he wanted to watch another Mickey Mouse.

As I got him stripped nude he laid on the floor kicking his legs ( think bicycle in the air since he can slam them on the floor!) screaming " OH the pain, the pain!" I was laughing HYSTERICALLY.

He then stood up and STOMPED into the bathroom threw up the lid on the toilet, tried gagging and demanded he sit on the potty.

It was HILARIOUS!!

He has such a streak of Drama. At least it is funny.