Monday, August 16, 2010

Pity Party

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To my Pity Party!
When: When things are NOT going that great.
Lots of Gifts please!!
Chocolate is welcome~

Today has left me super high on emotions and super down. Usually I am OK and usually I can pick up the pieces and figure out what to do. Today is not that day. I wish I could easily find a remedy because I don't have time to get stuck in a funk.

A little over a week ago Dallas and I got to go out on a date. I was so excited. I even dressed up to go. As we were driving to pick up Tyler he got really sick. At first I thought it was just the dinner not sitting well. We got to his parents house and he got SICKER fast. This has happened before and we ended up in the ER. ( 2 times to be exact.. once by ambulance) It was a Friday night so I thought if we JUST got him through the weekend we could get in to our family doctor.

By Sunday he wasn't getting any better so I took him to the Instacare. They ran some blood, said he was dehydrated and basically sent him home and told him to call his family doctor for more options. So we did. D got in on Monday( or Tuesday) and they sent him to get a scan of his tummy.

So he has been sick for almost 2 weeks and they still have no answers. We are getting close and tonight he had a HIDA scan for his gal bladder ( which we are almost certain it is) and he has an appointment to see a surgeon tomorrow. But he is sick. Which means he isn't able to help much. He sleeps a lot and can barely make it through the day. He isn't able to help with Tyler and it makes me super stressed. ( Not his fault)

In the midst of him not feeling well the Air conditioner in the Jeep went out. I HATE the jeep. I want to sale it so badly but being the awesome driver that I am, it has been in a few accidents. The last accident has still not been fixed.( think deductible.. High because of my awesome driving and a bunch of other stuff we would rather spend 500 bucks on.. Like food, place to live) So we are stuck with it until all the odds and ends are fixed. We took it in to get it looked at and get an estimate. $700 bucks. Yeah, we had a small anxiety attack.

Lucky for us my dad works at a place that gave me a amazing deal. We had bought tires and needed to head to my parents anyway but I was not expecting to go alone NOR was I expecting to go when I did.

Last week after a FULL day at Thanksgiving point and visitors and Dallas being sick I left around 8 PM and took the 2 hour drive to my parents with Tyler. He has the hardest time sleeping at home but here we are 2 hours away from home 2 hours past his bedtime. He was WIDE awake. He spent the next 3 days literally crying and whining. I rarely lose my patience with him. But for 3 days I was about ready to lose it. The drive back home was HORRIBLE. He would get so mad over nothing. It was 2 hours of crying. ( No he doesn't really sleep in the car. He was and usually is up the whole way.)

When I got home not only had I left in such a hurry but I left the house in a mess. A really bad mess. I figured that Dallas would probably be feeling somewhat better and he didn't have Tyler to worry about so he might be able to get a little bit done around here. But he was still sick. So I came home to a sick hubby, a gross house and laundry up to my eyeballs. Not to mention 3 days of non stop Crabby pants.

By Friday Dallas was so sick he ended up in the ER. They of course found NOTHING wrong with him. Since he didn't have a high white blood count he was sent home with pain medication and a script for a Hida scan. He was given a shot and sent on his way. Oh I was LIVID. They say that while it MIGHT be his gal bladder ( which I am really thinking it is) it isn't considered and emergency so call your regular doc.

I had already called a general surgeon/gastro/internal whatever you want to call him and made an appointment just in case no one could figure out what was going on with D. Luckily we are able to see him tomorrow. Dallas had the Hida scan tonight and he came home SICK SICK and pretty much in tears.

We have been doing stuff with fertility ( or Infertility) for several YEARS (boo!) and needed to start one of the medications last week. But because walmart didn't have record of a refill I had to call my doctor to get it done. He did, and added 4 more refills but I had to make an appointment. He sent in the refills after 3 times going to walmart. Which means I missed the day I had to start this stuff and therefore get to wait ANOTHER month. I LOVE my doctor but I hate having the reminder once a month that I am HORRIBLY broken. As I sat there today with him going over my charted cycles and fertility clinic info. I felt even more down. Not to mention my almost 5 year old not wanting me talk and getting mad because I couldn't pay attention to JUST him. Then leaving the appointment just as broken as when I came in with no answers.

Tyler. Oh how much we LOVE him and his new found talking. That is the best part of the whole summer. The hardest part is how he spans from a 2 year old to a 5 year old. That leaves me with 3 children in one. While I know we want another one I really don't think people get how difficult it is to have it all wrapped into one kid.

He can't walk far enough when we go to the store to not be carried. He is HEAVY. He is not "disabled" enough for a wheelchair and isn't "disabled" enough to need a walker. He isn't big enough for me not to carry him so I get to carry a 30 pound stiff muscled kid. Oh and then what do you do with a kid that is to big to fit in the cart seats ( and you can't get him OUT of them when you are ready to go cause his legs don't bend that way.) and you can't put him in the bucket of the cart cause you need groceries? Anyone have a solution to that one?

He can't do some things like other 5 year old kids so sending him out to play isn't an option. While I would love for him to go out on his own he can't make friends because he doesn't talk well enough. Plus he doesn't play like a regular 5 year old. So unless your 5 year old can play like a 2 year old then we aren't invited for a play date. And at 5 no one has play dates. They send their kid out by themselves. He does great with the 2 year old but you don't see many two year old out without their moms. I can't send him out to ride his bike because he can't pedal it. So I am having to push him (again.. a 30 pound kid that is pretty much dead weight) around on a trike that doesn't really work for a 5 year old. ( A trike for his "level" is around 700 bucks. As is a stroller. That would be 1400 bucks. Not covered by insurance and not including the 20 percent of EVERYTHING else, plus gas, plus fertility, plus a place to live. blah blah and don't forget food)

He doesn't have the maturity( or is it just imagination...either way he doesn't have it) level of a 3 year old to do imagination play so he doesn't entertain himself. So I am his source of entertainment. 24 hours a day ( or until he goes to bed) all day long. While I get that he is my "job" I am also a mom, wife, housekeeper and chef so add that to a child who can't do anything on his own but watch a movie. ( and even then I have to sit and sing with him or he gets upset) You have the recipe for a very stressed out person.

He is a good kid. I know that things are tough for him. I know he doesn't want them to be that way and neither do I. When you have the other stresses in life the patience wire just seems to be the first to go.

The bonus: at least this month I don't have the extra hormone in my body to make me even more emotional.

The downside: Dallas is still sick, Ty is always going to be this way and I am still infertile.



7 comments:

singedwingangel said...

There is nothing to be said to that sweetie. Wish I could be closer and I would help you and let you just have some time.. and I could give you a huge hug

Amber said...

What an awful week you are having!!!! I wish there was something I could do to help. All I can do is keep you all in my thoughts, prayers and put your name on the temple prayer role. I hope everything gets better real soon. Keep us updated on everything. You can call or text me ANYTIME. SLY!!!!

Melissa said...

Nancy,
I was going to do a pity party post recently too. I just never got around to it. But I feel for you. Life just plain sucks sometimes, and there is nothing we can do about it. I hate the quote that we won't be given more than we can handle, because I sure as heck feel like there are times I can't handle what has been handed to me. It does always work out in the end, but that is so hard to think about when you are frustrated, stressed and just plain fed up. Raising kids with Special needs is so incredibly stressful. I don't think its' fair that we always have financial stresses as well due to the high cost of maintaining healthy lives for these kids. It's just not fair. Now I will get off my pity party rant.

I hope that things will get better for you and Dallas. And I sure as heck hope you get to the bottem of what is wrong with him. It sounds so scary! If you need to talk to someone, or need anything, let me know!!! I will send prayers your way.

Chelsie said...

I know, in some ways, how you are feeling. It is hard to go it alone when you're traveling. You have less patience. Then to get home and not get a break from the travel drama in the slightest? Psychological torture. That is the only way to describe it.

The air conditioner in our car goes out too- but only if we're driving a long way and it is really hot outside. It works if we take it in, so it can't be diagnosed- as if we could really afford it if we knew what it was!

I know I can't understand everything that you go through with Tyler, I do with some things (to a lesser degree). When Daph was in a cast and I had to carry her steroid fattened 44 pound body it was awful. Her cast forced her leg into a certain direction. And that direction altered our center of gravity in such a way that it felt as though she weighed even more. I'm sure something similar goes on with Ty and his legs.

As for the shopping carts- how does he do with those that have the big blue seats by the handle? Does he need more support/stability than that?

As for his varying degrees of ability- I get that (A tiny bit) too. D's physical ability isn't where it should be so she can't keep up with her friends and gets sad and frustrated- which makes me sad and also frustrated because I have to be the one to walk around the playground and play with her. She's the size of a 5 year old, but isn't, so sometimes more is expected of her. D just started to engage in some imagination play in the last couple of weeks. Before that it was Mommy, Mommy, Mommy all the time.

Seriously, Nancy, I know it is your job, but your job involves slow, grueling, psychological torture. Honestly, if I didn't have my job at the library I'd lose it. I need to leave so I can come home and think my little girl is sweet when I go to bed at night.

When Dallas gets feeling better, you might need to look into leaving the house for a few minutes every night. Even just a ride or a walk. You need a psychological break from it all. Small, frequent doses will do it better than large infrequent ones.

Hang in there- even if it is by the skin of your teeth!

Also, we're always (well, usually) up for a play date. Just let me know and we'll set one up.

Chelsie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cynthia said...

I couldn't read-and-run. I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. It is totally unfair and just plain HARD.

The a/c thing MIGHT be an easy fix if the compressor still works. We 'refreshed' the a/c in our truck for $20. You just go to an autoparts store and buy a can of stuff that you inject into your vehicle's system. It worked great for us.

It DOES sound like a gal bladder thing. I hope they figure it out quickly.

Greta said...

I've had days where I felt like the weight of the world was smashing me down.... and I don't ever take on grocery shopping unless I can find one of those carts that has an extra seat for children. I love Walmart's carts, You can seat two children in them and I think they hold up to 175 pounds, plus you have the entire cart for groceries. I drive around the parking lot until I find one, if I don't find any I drive home.

I hope things are a little easier now. If you ever want a playdate call me. I have my 5 year old and a two year old. I think we could have some fun.