Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I feel like I have bloggers block

Have you ever been in that kind of a funk where you are so overwhelmed that you want to write a million things but can't get them all out and even if you did SOOOO many people would think you are not a nice person ( which I generally think I am?)

Oh... you don't feel that way... OPPS.. I am crazy!

Well then, I guess you will all have to wait for all the blogs I wrote while angry, upset and frustrated to be published!

Till then....

A few fun things in the Brown household:

The list of lupron side effects gets longer every day. I am not sure how much longer I can handle them without throwing in the towel and asking that I be all done. Last night while chit chatting with Dallas I was a little "emotional" and the tears were flowing. I noticed that the tears were either flowing MUCH more than I realized or I had the worst runny nose imaginable.

I got up and decided that as it soaked my arm that I needed a tissue.

Yeah. It wasn't boogies and it wasn't tears. My nose had been bleeding. Yep.. not just a little but like GUSHING.. LOTS LOTS. My hands were covered, neck, HAIR, shirt top and face and it was STILL coming. I turned around and looked at Dallas. I think that much blood was a little freaky.

Sad thing.. can't just get it off with a towel so after sitting on the toilet for 15 or so minutes trying to figure out if upright, tipped backwards or packed was the way to go we decided a shower with a packed nose it was.

In the shower it was slowing down but it was STILL running. It was horrible!! Oh and then the puke started. The blood was a little too much and so now it was coming out the mouth. YEP... THANK GOODNESS I was in the shower already.

So after about an hour it stopped. I sat up in bed making sure that it wasn't gonna start again. And off to dream land it was.

In the morning I had a headache and was super dizzy, Dallas let me sleep in and then I slept past the time that I was suppose to be there to get Tyler ready for school but I heard the bus and booked it to get him out the door.

I have really struggled all day. Emotionally I am not doing so hot and am feeling like I am drowning in more ways than one. My body Literally hurts from every joint in my body. I can't handle a few of the things going on around me so I tend to shut down.

I call the pharmacy tomorrow for my next shot. Emotionally I am not sure I can do it another three months. I just don't. But am I ready for the next step either?

P.S. This round I have gotten ever severe side effect. Estrogen supplements have been my friend but I am not thinking they are working ...... :(

I hate endometriosis!

I hate the fertility game.

I feel really alone in the ride.


Shannon said...

I am so sorry! I HAVE been there so please don't feel alone. A year and half ago I decided I couldn't do it anymore and said good riddence to my useless female parts. Best choice I've ever made. Hang in there - I hope things get better for you.

Ashlie & Chantel said...

I am sorry that you are having a hard time. I wish things could be easy for you! :)