I have guilt.
The selfish kind of guilt.
Some days it is easier than the next.
Other days it is so in my face that I can't help but break down and actually have to face it.
I feel guilty that I put my son through hell.
I feel guilty that all of those scars on his sweet body I allowed them to do .
The thousands of mini burns on his eyes, I signed a paper that said they could do that.
The battle wounds that grace his perfectly round head I allowed them to do that.
I watched day after day while he was on a ventilator, praying that God would give me MY baby to take home.
I prayed for him to live.
I asked others to pray for him to live.
I am selfish.
Yet every day I look at him and wish it were easier for him.
I take him to therapy.
I give him kisses.
I read him books.
I make him laugh.
He gives me kisses.
He makes me laugh
And I love him.
I am selfish.
2 comments:
I am sorry, that must be so hard for you. The world is a better place because Ty is here :) He is SUCH a sweet boy and draws people to him.
But you did all those things cuz you love him! He is better for having you as his mommy!!
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