Dear Depo Lupron... I hate you.

It hasn't even been a week and I am not sure if I can last 3 months let alone 6. I got my "first" round of Depo Lupron Monday. I have been nauseous, irritable and moody and emotional. And we haven't really even started yet.

So the back ground you ALLL want to read. When I was 16 we figured out that I was not "right." Most girls had started menstruating in Junior high and even elementary. But I was the lucky one. I was a junior in high school and NOTHING. We went to a doctor in Price and he gave me pills to start my period once a month. Are you kidding me? What girl would really want to HAVE a period so Junior year was kinda a joke. I wasn't going to make myself have a period. Senior year I had one periodically. Freshman year in college we got down to business. I found a doctor up here because when would have a period it was debilitating. I was SICK and couldn't get out of bed. I would throw up, cramp and the works.

So at 18, no real cycle, and debilitating symptoms we found Dr. Anderson. He is the jolliest man in the world. He is like a Santa Clause in a bow tie. Dr. A fixed my problem for the time and gave us some information about endometriosis. He "suspected" at that time that was what was causing my issues.

At 20 I was getting ready to go on a mission. And I was getting sicker. We opted to go the surgery route and my first Laproscopy was performed. He would take out what was there ( and there was stuff there) and sew me up and send me on my way. I felt SO much better.

I was on birth control for a while, then went on my mission. Things were going ok and until I got home the birth control worked. After a while we needed to switch it up a little and we started on continuous birth control. No period until my body broke through the birth control.

When the break through started it wouldn't stop. I was home from my misson a few months and our next step was depo Lupron. So I started my first round EVER. It was not so bad. I had horrible hot flashes. The biggest was the weight gain. But I had no choice and I knew I needed to do this.

I finished my first six months and moved to Logan. Not long the depo lupron wore off and after six months I needed a laproscopy. In October of 04 I had surgery. I was 24. By this time I am getting frustrated about this disease. It makes me sick A LOT.

In April 2005 I get pregnant. Something I was told would probably never happen. We were on NUVA ring as a continuous but some how we still got pregnant. Having a baby helped tremendously and it took about 2 years before I got sick again.

In 2007 we started another round of depo lupron. We would do this for 9 months before finding some large endometriomas, or masses of cells in my body that look like cysts or tumors. They were horrible and pretty painful. I was getting sicker. So April 2008 we did another surgery.

So a small side note: When I had Tyler the circumstances around his emergency delivery made my csection a mess. I had a transverse cut UP my uterus so I have scaring from that, and I also have some major scaring around the bikini cut that had to be redone as well. So my uterus and surrounding area is a big ball of adhesion's and scar tissue.

In the surgery in 2008, they found endometriosis and some really really bad adhesion's. Those adhesion's can be found on my bladder, bowels and my sciatic nerve. It makes my leg go numb. Then adding the regular endometriosis I am not a Happy person a few times a month.

They were able to remove a lot of them. But knowing that with a uterus still there it will always grow back. So we did another round of depo lupron after and I was able survive.

We were off birth control and "trying" to get pregnant for over six months and nothing. But I did have a cyst and another endomtrioma instead. We opted to not keep trying and get help first. Moving back to Utah let us come back to my doctor and he has jumped in full force.

The end of December I started bleeding through my birth control. It went away for a week and then it showed back up with a vengeance. It was not nice. So after 2 weeks of bleeding Dr Anderson didn't give me a choice. He said I have dysfunctional uterine bleeding. He needed to get it stopped and we needed to decide to have a baby or not to.

To get the dysfunctional bleeding to stop I have to take depo lupron. See the trend. Its HORRIBLE.

So that brings us to Monday. The shots came in and we are ready to go for 3 months. The side effects are certainly showing their face. I have less patience with my family. Dallas gets snapped at and since Tyler is not being Tyler I am going crazy.

The side effects are yucky. And for the first 3 weeks of the shot you feel really bad. Like REALLY bad. In fact you kinda feel pregnant. The weight gain comes and the snackies come. And then the hot flashes... Oh joy.

I am not ready to give up my uterus yet. I am not ready to let go of the dream I have. It is such a hard thing sometimes to know you are broken.

But man depo Lupron.. I still hate you!