Thursday, January 17, 2008

Very unsettled

A few posts ago I posted about being settled. While I am settled with Tyler I am not settled emotionally any more. I am not sure how long I have been unsettled. I am not sure if it s a new thing or if it comes and goes but one thing for sure is that I needed help and I got it and I am excited to keep it going.

After discovering some mean horrible things I decided ( after much crying and though) that I needed me time. That meeaning no more enmeshed family. No more over involved family member, grandparents and sisters. No more phone calls, emails or responses to anything.

I am still on the depo lupron and am on my last month and have been way more emotional than I have ever had to deal with. I started some new medication and hopefully that will help me out a little more.

I started back seeing a therapist. She specializes in PTSD and I really like her. She has helped alot even after one visit.

I started weight watchers and lost 3 pound this week. And while out for the meeting made an impulse move and got a pedicure. I am looking forward to a little me time on friday and plan to go tanning.

I have used my respite worker a lot and will use her every day this week. I am getting ready for visitors next week and she is going to entertain Tyler while I scrub, dejunk and make my house more stress free.

I am looking forward to fixing me. To making me more settled and to do what I need to do. I am not that person that my family has made me out to be. Those who have claimed to be friends with me and have hurt me don't be surprised if I don't let you in. Don't be surprised if you find yourself talking to a different person.

I have been a little to hurt this time. ...

As far as Ty is concerned we have been super busy and it won't let up.

Monday we went to foundation, Tuesday I had my meetings and toe painting, Today was PT and we cleaned the bathroom and walk in closet. They are dejunked and beutiful. Oh and we had an eye appointment for Ty. Thursday is OT, and eye therapy. He is going to be working on feeding himself and scooping his food. He can get it in but not scoop it up. Resptie will be here and I am hoping to be done with my room and most of Ty's . I hope that D will be able to do the office this weekend. Friday we drive into Pheonix and work on his braces again.

Don't worry.. I still have to work at night and I am dealing with the mean and horrible people there. Things are getting better though.

I will be ok!! I will be ok!!


Leeann said...

I love you and I am so proud of you for taking control of your life. YOUR life. Live it the way YOU want. Don't worry about the world.

Aidan's mom said...


Congratulations on making such brave decisions about your own physical and mental health. I, too, have started seeing somebody for PTSD and it is already helping me immensely. I just posted about it over at p-l and I was hoping that it might strike a chord with a few people.

I don't know you personally, but I am proud of you nonetheless.


Anonymous said...

Hugs to you! I really hope that things start looking up for you. I am here if you need me.

The Preemie Experiment said...

You are such a strong woman Nancy. You are right... you WILL be ok.

The "settled" feeling will come and go over the years. When it does go, just know that it will come back.

I am in awe of you Nancy!!



Denise said...

Nancy, I was reading your post just now and realized that you and I are very much in the same boat emotionally. Our situations are very different but our emotional states are a mess. I too had people be awful to me recently and I know that it feels like they are ripping your heart our bare handed and stomping on it. I'm proud of you for starting to take care of you. I'm working on that myself. I went back to my psychologist this week and I've been getting me time myself. Slowly but surely. I am proud of you and I am here for you. If you ever need me for anything please just say the word. You are an amazing person and mother and yes an inspiration. Sending you BIG HUGS!!!