My sweet baby Grayson is finally 1. We have had a whirlwind of a year with his sweet/ crabby self but what a blessing he has been in our lives. We have had much crying, laughing and happiness over his sweet spirit and can’t imagine our lives without him. He had a big job to do and I think he has done a pretty good job of mending a very broken heart.
When we decided we wanted to add another baby and we started the process we had no idea the roller coaster that we would start on. The battle with infertility was so hard on me and our little family. When we finally got pregnant, other than the fear of a premature birth, we were so nervous and excited. We couldn’t breathe very deep until we hit that 25 weeks. But that scare on the exact same day in my pregnancy that we had Tyler left me praying each night for healthy and as full term as possible.
After more than half our pregnancy with visits to the perinatologist and the shots weekly and the stress tests for 10 weeks made it so worth laying there in the delivery room and waiting. Waiting for the ONE thing that broke my heart.... a cry!
My last appointment with my OB left me in tears. I explained that I was tired of people taking away my babies. That each time they were taken away from me ( like the PICU, NICU, brain surgery, and most recent was his seizure) my heart broke, a little bit more.
They took Grayson and brought him back for me to see and kiss him. He was pink, crying and healthy, but he needed the NICU. As I was wheeled back into the NICU to see him, Dallas had waited so I could hold him first. With tears in my eyes and a break in my heart, I sobbed out a cry and an apology. I wanted him to NOT be in the NICU. But, he was healthy.
I waited and waited for him to be brought to me. I wanted him to be safe with me. Not far away. I didn’t have to wait long. Dallas and Grayson were on their way and he wouldn’t leave my sight for 365 days. ( give or take an hour or 2)
It took me several weeks to get to hold Tyler. WEEKS. And here it was just a few hours ( what felt like a long few hours) and I was holding this sweet smelling baby on my chest. I had dreamed of holding a baby after they were born. I was intoxicated with his spirit and smell.
Because he was in the NICU, I asked for a pump before he was brought in. I was DETERMINED to nurse. IT was one of those things that I wanted to at least try to the best of my ability because I wasn’t able to do that with Tyler. Grayson wanted nothing to do with it and just wanted to be held. So Dallas got to feed him from a syringe. He was like a bird. Little did I know, 365 days later and countless hours of stress over supply and no sleep and hours of night nursing, this little bird would be a champ nurser and I will forever be nursing. ( even when he goes to prom. I swear!)
He was a hard baby. He spit up a ton and cried all the time. He didn’t want anyone but me. As he got older he was much better. We figured out he had some major ear infections, and once we started treating them he was a happy camper. His smile lights up a room and can make all of us stop to catch our breathe.
The dark/red hair faded and became just like his brother. Blonde and almost bald looking. But what stayed where stunning, blue, large eyes. They are blue and piercing and they make people stop and stare.
Now days, he is all over the place. We are so proud of all he is doing. It is amazing to see him advance so quickly. He is quickly catching up to Tyler and he doesn’t like being left behind. He climbs stairs, falls downs stairs, breaks arms and keeps me up all night. He smiles and coos and tells us all he is here and he LOVES to see his dad.
But most of all, he came to help mend my heart. In a selfish way I prayed for all of the times he would just want his mom. The time I could heal, the time I could be the mom I always wanted to be but couldn’t. The time I had it taken away from me and a nurse was put in my place. This time, he was and is all mine.
I am incredibly thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving us Grayson. He fits us really well. He is good for Tyler and he is good for D and I. He makes us feel like a whole family. And he has bad days just when I think we “might” want another and changes my mind... fast! But he truly is a gift that we had begged and pleaded and cried over. I would go through those hours of shots and early labor and shots of terbutaline again to get him here safe.
So, Baby Grayson, you are my sweet boy! I love you so much. I love your snuggles. I love your right hook, I love the way you love on Tyler. You are going to be the best of friends. I know you will understand his struggles and love him, like only you can. Thank you for coming to our family. We love you sweet Monkey!
Happy birthday sweet boy!! Here is to a lifetime of amazigness. You were destined to be amazing!