Thursday, December 8, 2011

I am not thankful

I am not thankful.

I am not thankful.

Sometimes in the midst of trials and tribulations you hear people say they are thankful for their trials. Or that they wouldn't change anything. I hear that a lot with moms of t21 babies. But you know what. I TOTALLY WOULD.

I am not thankful that Tyler has disabilities. I am not thankful that I have had to meet some awesome people. I am not thankful that I have had to not be super mom. I am NOT thankful that I have to wean my new baby because of the disabilities we face every stinking day.

I am thankful for Tyler's abilities though. The fact that he is doing more than he should. But I am not thankful that things are hard for him. That things are hard for me and that they will always be that way. I am not thankful that he won't get better. I am not thankful that he will one day be "cured" because he won't. I will always be the one taking care of his needs ( that part I like!) But to be thankful that he hurts every single day. That he could have a seizure every day of his life, that he could need brain surgery at any given time. NOPE... sorry not thankful.

Sorry... but I would change it. I would change it today if I could.


1 comment:

Cynthia said...

I think what you're feeling with that is totally normal. The truth is that none of us would choose that for ourselves or our kids if we had the choice. I wish Tyler (and you) didn't have to deal with that stuff either.