The day of Ty's birthday I ran into a mom of a cute little guy that was in his class last year. C ( how we lovingly will refer to this cute boy!) has autism but is VERY functioning and VERY super friendly. Instead of transitional kindergarten he went to a charter school. I thought he was going to go to typical kindergarten. Anyway, I asked the mom how he was transitioning. Tears welled up in her eyes. She said he was struggling. That she was struggling. At that point I realized that we all need certain things.
The week of Tyler's birthday I always struggle. ALWAYS. While listening to a fire fighter from 9/11 he said " They say time heal all wounds. But it doesn't" and that is how I feel. While I didn't see the things they did, nor did I see the destruction that was seen, but I saw horrific things that don't go away when I close my eyes and that even 5 years later isn't healing. It is still raw. Only because the effects of what we saw and what came of the events are still coming up.
This week we had Ty's IEP and though his team is wonderful and really do have his best interest in mind, it stinks a big HUGE pile of manure. GINORMOUS pile of manure really. It is never a pleasant experience to see on paper where the world puts your kid. Generally, these manure meetings happen right around his birthday ( by law) and it really takes a toll on my spirit.
This year was his year to get his IQ and stuff put out there. THE WORST EXPERIENCE EVER. One paper says he sucks and then the testing for normal kindergarten stuff says he is average. While we rejoice on the average, the fact that he can't brush his teeth and has no self help skills makes him below average in the rest of the scoring.
The older he gets the more we find we will be doing for him for a lot longer than we had planned. The older he gets the further behind we seem in some area's. The older we get the more our life is different than the neighbors. The older he gets the more we realize he doesn't have friends like the others and we rely on family more than the average Joe.
But the older we get we realize he will never understand hate. He doesn't understand when people stiff him on his birthday. He doesn't understand when someone pushes him he is not suppose to be sorry. He doesn't understand when people stare at him that you are staring because he is "different."
He doesn't understand anything other than love.
Even when we listen to him being judged by "normal standards", we know deep down that he is smart, he is loved and he is and will always be innocent.
Dumbo's mom said " All of those people who scold you, what they'd give just for the right to hold you!" She was right..... she was VERY right.