Monday, December 20, 2010

An almost birthday

For the last 4 Christmas' we have celebrated Tyler's would of should have birthday and his release from the NICU. He came home Dec.23,2005. His due date was Dec.24th so as excited as we were, we always gave him a little "something" on the 23rd.

Christmas was different that year. There wasn't a lot of gifts but there was a lot of love. Loads and loads. It started some traditions among Dallas and I that I think will go forever. This year though, things might be a little different.

In the last 6 months Tyler has developed and advanced leaps and bounds. So much so that I don't think much about his "Should have" birthday. With talk of Santa, Sleighs and reindeer there isn't much room for sadness.

I still carry a lot of guilt for not being able to protect my baby and for watching him go through so much suffering. It was my bodies fault and there is nothing I can do to make myself get over it. But, the advances and the talking and the great stuff sure lessens the blow.

The traditions that started 4 years ago will continue, there is one that we have outgrown. Those are the ones that hurt less, year after year.

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