Monday, October 11, 2010

A big FAT zero


Ty goes to school Tuesday - Friday. Most of the kids are there for speech purposes only so because he gets like a million services he goes everyday. He gets one on one of everything and he gets double Physical Therapy by way of Adaptive PE and then the physical therapist.

An about me book was the subject for a week. They talked about families, friends and brothers and sisters. After looking at his home paper for a week I really was excited to see what the book was going to say. Plus this year he can talk, so the book might be a little more accurate.

When it came home we sat down to read it.

Then it hit me. It got to the page about his family. He had "drawn" a picture" of his brothers and sister.

The page was blank. In the VERY corner was a drawing from the teacher or aide.

Tyler has zero brothers. Tyler has zero sisters."

I was sad and a little tear ran down my cheek. That zero stung and burned.

Tyler looked at the page and said "Number zwero" "2 number zwero."

Luckily the bus came and he went out the door.

Zero! ZERO! ZERO!!

Its a number we are really familiar with. Its a number we have been working to change. But the word zero, feels about the same as the BFN on all the tests. It is one that leaves me in tears EVERY night when we pray. It is a reminder of my faults every morning when I log onto Facebook to see yet another "announcement."

Zero......



ZERO....

4 comments:

singedwingangel said...

Oh sweetie it will happen I just know it will. If Sara can have one at 90 you can have one tomorrow

Hadlock Hideaway said...

Even though that paper may say zero. You have 1 son. One amazing, sweet, fun loving, son! When it's right... it will happen. *hugs*

Laura said...

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now!!! My heart aches for you! (Trust me, this is not just lip service. It's a blessing and a curse I have to be extremely empathetic....to the point of giving myself ulcers on behalf of others!) I KNOW that someday you'll get your girl!! How do I know? Because sometimes it's easier to have faith during other peoples trials than during your own. Tyler may have zero brothers and sisters (right now), but in the meantime YOU have ONE extraordinary son!! I'm sure that sentiment doesn't quite fill the hole in your heart that you're feeling right now and I'm sorry! I love you!!

Cynthia said...

I know how hard it is to get the BFN on tests. Been there so many months. It's hard when you see those things staring up at you.

Cry today. Get out the frustration and the pain. It's okay to have sad feelings about something that's making you sad. Cry as loud and long as you need to. Today. And then be done- for now. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling but put a time limit on it for THIS event- don't make wallowing a habit (this said by someone who LOVES a good wallow!)

Your optimism will return after you let those emotions out. You are doing all you can to give him the sibling you all desire. I pray that it will happen for you (and if you need the name of my miracle-worker Dr. who lives in your neck of the woods, let me know).