The do's and Don'ts

Last year during our prematurity awareness month I posted a few do's and don'ts and got a lot of laughs and comments so I thought I would share for those newly googling NICU parents.

First the Do's

1. Ask me what I want to be called.I may or may not want to be called "mom." I would like to be called by my first name.

2. Send me a Polaroid of my baby when I can't get out of bed because I have had a C-section OR take pictures when I am not able to be there. For Tyler we had a disposable camera in his drawer all the time. LDS NICU also took pictures of them when we were gone.

3. When referring to my baby, please don't call him "your baby" (as if he is your baby) or "the baby." He is your patient, but he is my baby. The best possible way to refer to my baby is by calling him by his first name. ( this was huge. The Nurses would get use to having Ty..But he was still MINE!!)

4.Give me a tour of the nursery soon after I arrive so I know where the pumping room is, where to store breast milk, the lounge, bathroom, etc. (Remember if I am groggy or having a difficult time coping, I might need a second tour later.)

5. If you are the nurse caring for my baby, acknowledge me when I come in the room so I know who you are.

And some DON'Ts....

1.Don't Call me "Mom." Please ask me what I would prefer to be called. ( I didn't care so much about this one. I had Primary nurses that I just loved and they knew me after a day or two...but for some .. I am sure it was an issue.)

2.Don't Move the baby without telling me ahead of time, or at least meeting me at the door. ( when you get into the habit of having them in one spot going in and seeing your baby not in your spot is a little overwhelming. Ty was "kicked" out of his corner it was REALLY kinda nerve wrecking. Change during that time was SO hard.


3.Don't Tell me how I should be feeling or that I "need to be patient." Even now hearing that it is "normal" is hard to hear. It is something we are dealing with. Not you. You have NO idea how I feel.

4.Don't dismiss or diminish my concerns. I am not used to seeing my baby have bradycardias or color changes. Having a sick baby was so different. You can't touch them or love on them like a healthy baby. Holding took a long time and he was sick. On some days he was sicker than others but he is my baby.

5. Don't assume that I don't care for or love my baby if I don't touch him. I may be very scared or overwhelmed. The first time I saw Ty I wanted to touch him but I remember being told not to rub. There were days when I was told not to touch him. But there were days I couldn't touch him. I was sad. I was scared. He was so precious but still so sick.

*These were some things we had posted on his incubator. I am sure they weren't read but I wanted them there. I wanted them to know that I had feelings and that things did effect me.