Thursday, January 31, 2008

Its super late here and I need to get to bed. There are lots on my mind the last few days. Not even sure where to put them or how to arrange them to make sense.

The prophet passing has been a strange and some what sereal feeling for me. He was always such a comfort when he spoke. He spoke at the MTC while I was there several times. I was there for such an amazing time and he was such an amazing teacher. We are so lucky to have had a prophet that loved us and was so devoted.

I have been thinking alot about Tyler and the future.He makes me so happy that I am so content with him. I love watching what he has become but what will happen as he grows. What will we have to face? Only time will tell for sure.

I have been thinking of my family and the things that have happened for the last 28 years and how they hvae affected me. Right now it is not a good impact. I feel like damaged goods. Like a large piece of baggage that I can't seem to lose. The seperation has been good.

Dallas... Oh there are so many wonderful things to s ay about him. I think of him all the time and I miss him when he is not near us.I push him away though. One thing he said to me a LONG time ago was that I don't reach out to hold his hand. He is always doing it. It was then that I realized how much I have been pushing him away. He does however allow me to think for myself and allow me to be me. He is so supportive.

My surgery is weighing heavily on my mind. I am sure it will be fine but it is scary. I am terrified of anyone touching that c section cut. It is horrific to think of doing it again... but knowing that I need it to feel better.

Ok that is my random thoughts for the night.

For those that are wondering my surgery is scheduled for Feb.21st.


Leeann said...

I'm glad you are getting the surgery. You need to get feeling better!

Jen said...

I hope the surgery goes well and I'll be praying for a speedy recovery for you!