Wednesday, January 4, 2012

" Being Retarded"

Recently some things transpired in my "world" and the R word was thrown around as a verbal assault. I was VERY offended. Thankfully it was not directed to or at my child or there would have been a full on assault.

Somehow the "special needs" world isn't so big, and a post was put up just after Christmas from a mom posted a blog titled "Being Retarded" and found the blog very very accurate and very good.

Here is the post. *I am not including the picture of the girl but you can go to the link if you feel inclined and read the post directly to see the photo of a VERY cute girl!*

All around me, people use the word retarded without a second thought. Sometimes, I’ll say “Um, dude, really?” and they’ll say “Oops, my bad! But really! I was being so retarded!”

Sometimes, I let it slide. I realize that it’s a word that’s ingrained in our society’s vocabulary and people use it without a second thought to its meaning.

But what does it mean to be retarded? Well, I know what it doesn’t mean.

It doesn’t mean not being able to choose something for lunch despite 100 choices in front of you.

It doesn’t mean not being able to find your car keys.

It doesn’t mean saying the wrong thing to a person.

It doesn’t mean forgetting your best friend’s birthday.

It’s not something to describe yourself as when you’ve spilled your coffee, or tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.

It’s not something to describe your computer, car or phone.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary the word “retarded” means -

: slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress

For me, it’s not just any old word – it’s my daughter. My beautiful, bright, happy, loving, amazing daughter who is slow or limited in intellectual development and academic progress.

In our household, being retarded means something different.

It means not being able to fully care for yourself.

It means not understanding what the doctor is going to do to you.

It means not being able to explain what hurts when something hurts.

It means not being able to ride a two wheeler. Or read. Or ever be able to live on your own.

But ever the optimist, I also know that retarded means…

…never realizing the negativity behind the word retarded.

…never knowing the insensitivity surrounded the word’s usage.

…never realizing the ignorance of people.

…never knowing how other people view you.

Being retarded also means…

…loving unconditionally.

…finding joy in the smallest of things.

…being self-confident.

…not realizing that there are limitations.


This is Maura. Her diagnosis? Cognitively disabled. Which means retarded. When you call yourself retarded, you’re also calling my child stupid. Because you use the word as just that – another form of stupid.

Let’s get something straight here.

My daughter may have cognitive issues. She may have delays. She may never live on her own. Scratch that. She will never live on her own.

But Maura is not stupid.

In her own way, Maura is very smart. Maybe smarter than us at times. She has more self-confidence than anyone I know who’s called themselves “retarded”. She is the best judge of a person’s character than anyone else I’ve ever known.

Yes, she is slow to learn things. But she is not stupid.

I know that most people don’t use the word “retarded” maliciously. Most people I know use it in a self-depreciating way. And when I point it out, they go “Oh wow! I’m sorry!” and they truly feel like a heel. But the thing is, you’re still using it in the way that people who do use it maliciously use it as – to describe stupidity.

So why not just use the word “stupid” instead? Because I know what “retarded” is. I live with it in the form of my daughter. And in our world “retarded” doesn’t equate to “stupid”.

* Please visit the blog!! *

Tyler has a diagnosis that makes him delayed in many ways. He is not 100 % of his peers. He goes to a class that is for delayed children. He attends with autistic children, down syndrome, and many other diagnosis. He is BY FAR the most handicapped person in his class. Meaning he is affected on EVERY level. There is not one of the five senses of Tyler that is not limited or "retarded."

But what Tyler posses are all of those things the mom says. He is innocent. He will NEVER know hate. He will never know that the words that verbally assaulted me to the core, are words that are of hate. He will never understand that. He just doesn't. He will never realize that he shouldn't love unconditionally.

He is smart. He is very smart. He knows so many things and he gets things. He is a very special kid with a heart of gold and the spirit of a Giant.

No comments: