Monday, February 14, 2011

Forget it.

After adding the max readers we have decided to FORGET IT! No private for Tyler's blog. BUT we are going to be leaving tomorrow's announcement up to facebook. So if you want to know what we are having and you only read the blog then you are gonna have to wait.

We started week sixteen. We hit a big preemie milestone today and will be starting our shots on Wednesday. So we will see what the fetal echo and kidney ultrasound says tomorrow and anatomy here we come!

For those who want to read only to be mean. Troll some place else. We are not posting about a child to hurt your feelings or to make you feel bad. This is our life. It is happening to US. Sometimes people say things that may or may not make you sad. But reality is, it happens to everyone. So before stones are cast think back to EVERYTHING you have ever said and quite possibly your perfection might be gone.

When I was in the NICU with my almost 2 month old kid who was STILL not suppose to not be born yet, we had a few visitors come up. One was VERY pregnant. While I was "told" that she needed to be allowed to hold MY baby she was complaining about being "fat" and miserable. While my kid was in the plastic incubator hers was safe in their own home.

It was something you don't tell a preemie mom.

When I was dealing with the 3 years of infertility we heard everything under the sun. I was able to joke with a few people over commercials, things people say and all that stuff. We got pregnant. They didn't. By telling others we were pregnant we hurt their feelings.

You can't tell a infertile person you are pregnant. There is never a good way.

When you are dealing with things that are not the norm hearing others comment out of " love" or trying to help doesn't help and it can cause really deep battle wounds that are hard to repair.

Family love is not conditional. There are things that are said that are hurtful to all people at some point in a family relationship. It may take longer to heal and to feel less wounded but you still love those people.

Recently, though the whole story was not to "every ones" knowledge a comment was made that some need to learn class and be appropriate. While I felt and still feel it wasn't a comment that needed to be made it made part of the situation worse. It felt that family love for this person was conditional.

There are a lot of people who are not happy we are bringing a baby into this family. There are a lot of mean things being said. There are people who can't show they are happy or excited because it may cause those who are unhappy to take it out on them.

BUT know that we want this child. We want what is best for Tyler. We always have him at the foremost of our minds. ( Yep sometimes we have to joke about his disabilities in ways that MIGHT make you think we are insensitive but laughing about it and joking about it is our way of coping) Please allow us the same courtesy of having our opinions as we try ( and we do try) to allow you yours. But remember if your opinions of us, me, Dallas and Tyler and baby don't match up to what you want, maybe we feel the same way. The conditional/unconditional thing should go into play.


Heather said...

I still have a hard time looking at very pregnant women. I still feel alittle hurt when my friends have perfectly healthy term babies. My sons OT is 8 months pregnant.

I know in time this will get easier and we hope to one day try for another baby. Our son is very much like Tyler, he is 6 month old, born at 28weeks. He has brain damage from bleeds and other complications. He too make light of our situation from time to time, it doesn't mean we are making fun of our son or love him any less. You always need humor to carry you throug hard times. There is healing in laughter.

I wish you nothing but the best for this pregnacy. Praying for full term!!! I know all too well how one can long for something so simple as a 40 week pregnancy. Although for preemie moms it's not a simple thing, it's a miracle.

Love your blog and reading about your little man! He inspires us.

Loots said...

I realized the other day that I probably talk way too much about my pregnancy around my good friend at work who has tried and tried to have kids, and hasn't been able to yet. I know she's happy for me, but at the same time I know how jealous she is and she's just too nice to say anything.

Sailor's Wife said...

I think it's hard to be on either side of that coin. It's hard to be happy for someone who is pregnant when you can't be yourself. But it's just as hard to be that pregnant person and you feel like you can't tell them without it hurting their feelings. There is a fine line between being happy and bragging about it.

PS. I'm not on facebook anymore, so you have tell me some other way :)