Dear Friend

Dear J,

The unexpected loss of you best friend has really struck a cord for me. The emotions I feel are SO raw. So many things I know you wanted to experience with such a wonderful person. Instead I know you are aching inside. Aching for the moments that you thought you had, that you thought what if and that you are wondering what the future will hold.

God does give us more than we can handle. He does. After 3 years the conclusion I have come to is that He gives us more than we can handle because he loves us. I HATE that. I don't want that kind of love. He expects us to rely on so many other people JUST so we can understand WHY he has a plan that is so far messed up from what we had thought.

As I read the updates of K, I recalled many phone calls to give consent for Tyler over the phone the phone. A transfusion, a surgery, a test. The day you found out he had brain damage, the emotions I felt being told that Ty has severe damage came rushing back. Now what do I do? That is what I thought. What will the end result of this be? Is it something I can handle?

I know the answer to that now. No. That is my answer. I know I can't handle it. I mourn something about it every single day. BUT, something else comes of it. The intense love that I feel for Tyler is what I can handle.

K is gone but Little K isn't. Now what you think you can't handle is sitting in front of you with Big K's eyes. His spirit radiates what you feel in love with in Big K. Your love for both will be so intense. Yet I know there will be sadness.

You are someone I look up to. Someone I admire. Someone that I know didn't ask nor deserve to be left without your best friend. I wish it wasn't part of someone else's plan. I wish that plan maker could have waited for a few more bucket list options to be marked off.

I have no words of comfort.

I have no words of wisdom.

I have a prayer.

I have a tear.

You have a Hero. And you are raising Heroes son