The Preemie Experience

With a HUGE disclaimer and hope that hate mail and hate comments don't happen here or on other sites.

Every preemie experience is different. A mom to a 25 weeker or below is going to have a MUCH different experience than a 32 weeker or a 34 weeker or even a 35 weeker. The preemie experience is different for a 28 weeker than a 25 weeker.

That said: I LOVE Tyler with all my heart and we have so many good days and lots of laughs and happy smiles. This "poem" was a very real description of the experience I had.

I do not resent my son. I do not HATE the experience that we had. I do not feel it was the most positive experience of my life. I do feel that I have a right and even a desire to show both sides of the coin. Most days in our house are happy, positive and we are THRILLED with our child.

The Preemie Experience By Sandra D Moore The preemie experience is the shattering of all your dreams For a normal, healthy delivery, Of the ability to carry home a beautiful squirming bundle After a short stay in the hospital. It is lying there in your hospital room listening to The happy sounds of whole families joined Together by the birth of a grandchild, cousin, niece, Or nephew, and knowing that your Child is miles away and may not survive long enough For you to see or simply touch. It is that first glimpse of a skinny, scrawny, not much bigger Than a Barbie doll child And feeling, fear, awe, and joy for such a fragile soul. It is sitting by your baby’s “bedside” day after day, Week after week, month after month, Alternating between the emotional high of “Look, her eyes are open,” or “She’s crying!” And the lows of “I’m sorry, Mrs. Moore. Something has Shown up in Lauren’s ultrasound,” Or even “There is nothing we can do…” It is hearing the alarms go off for the twentieth time in less Than fifteen minutes because your Child’s heart rate keeps hitting zero. It is watching children dying around you, wondering if Your child will be next.It is hearing your child’s cry of distress as the nurses Insert yet another IV and do another Round of daily blood tests.It is meeting other parents of children who are doing far better And wondering, “Why me?” And meeting parents of children who have just died, And praising God for His mercy To your child and feeling guilty because your child is alive And someone else is grieving for theirs. It is days of nightmarish testing and coping with less Than positive results to the tests. It is days of joy at seeing the first eyelash appear, The child gain a whole ounce in one day, And two bright shiny eyes look at you and into your soul, And knowing that your child now recognizes you as Mama or Dada; Or perhaps looks at you and does not see you at all… It is that final hurdle before coming home! It is the sorrow of waiting for the monitor company Representative to show you what to do If the alarm sounds when your child is choking, Gasping for breath, or simply dying. It is the joy of just being away from all those nurses And tubes and wires and beeps, and Walking into the nursery you hastily prepared because, after all, The child wasn’t due for another three months! It is thinking the nightmare is over…only to realize it still Continues in the form of Such acronyms as PVL, RSV, BPD, CP and numerous others. It is the final realization that those developmental delays Have to be dealt with, That reflux is a normal and unfortunate occurrence in most preemies, That the constant fight to gain weight is in direct proportion To a preemie’s ability to do so. It is watching a child struggle to pick up his or her head, sit, Crawl, or walk. It is witnessing only silence when the child should be babbling, Because the child cannot hear. It is the mental images of a child running and playing And communicating with others in a Perfectly normal manner that are marred when you face years of therapy In order to simply get the child to eat by himself or herself, To talk or walk and then run. The preemie experience is a journey… A journey through your soul in order to find the faith and strength to cope, A journey of the mind when you face the emotional weariness, A journey of the heart…to accept that, no matter what, This child is yours, And you will love this child no matter what.

As prematurity awareness comes to a close there are so many things I wish that I could share. So many things I wish others could see. So many things I wish people could experience so they "get" me

In the next few days I know that we all think of the things we are Thankful for. I do the same and as I sit next to my Miracle child I think of all the wonderful advances that have kept him here. I think of all the 1st we did get to have that we didn't think we would.

I am Thankful for my Family. For my son. For all he is to me and the faith that he has taught me.