October 12th 2005- The best day ever

The NICU was not always just bad. There were good times as well. It was a roller coaster but with all rides there are times that you remember even more than the bad. For all of the ride I wrote them down. Sometimes as you read the bad the good come back, in a flood of memories. It is THOSE memories that make me smile. That make me proud to be Ty's mom.

On October 12th I was given an amazing memory. I was able to hold my sweet little baby for the first time. Given all that he had already been through and all that was beginning to happen and all the unknown to sit there and hold my sweet little boy was more than what I needed at the time.

The day before we were all ready to hold him but we were ushered out because another baby was coming in. We were already to do it and they wouldn't let me. I was so upset. With all the NICU hormones and all the pregnant hormones I started to cry. I ran out of the NICU in tears. I was so angry that I couldn't hold my baby.

The next day we came in and we were moved out of our spot and 2 more babies came in. The one from the night that I couldn't hold him and another baby. So here we were waiting to hold him.

The nurse and respiratory therapist were a little apprehensive to let us hold him because he was still on a vent. They had to bag him because he needed to be off his vent. We got all set up and we they put him in my arms. It was amazing.

He loved it and he did really well. They had to keep him warm by warm blankets. Dallas and I both got to hold him. We weren't sure when we would get to do it again.

That day is a day that I close my eyes and remember EVERYTHING that happened that night. Everything I felt and everything ounce of love that I felt that day with that one pound bundle in my arms.