The do's and don'ts continued!!

I had no idea that the list would be so popular. There are TONS more. Some I didn't have issues with but there were and are a few that I am so glad we had on there. So I thought I would add a few more to the mix and add a new CUTE preemie picture to the top!!

1.Do Make a cute name tag for my baby's bed. I still have Tyler's and it meant a lot to me that he was no longer Baby Boy Brown. He had a name for a reason. One of the only things that I liked about having to be transferred was to be admitted under Tyler Brown and not BOY!!

2.Do Tell us when I can speak with the doctor. As Ty's parents we liked to be able to hear it all from the "horses" mouth so to speak. We needed the information from the source instead of a go between. There was one nurse practitioner that I could have done without and happily put that in my care plan but other than that.. Let us speak with the Neonatologist.

3. Do Promote attachment between parents and their babies. Show me that you are confident I will not cause my child any harm. That was huge. I was so afraid I would hurt him in those first few days. He was so tiny and so fragile. But after they burned his belly I wasn't to afraid any more. ( yes you read right.. they burned a hole in his belly and he still carries the scar) I wanted to help them so badly but they wouldn't let me.

4.Do Tell me how to read stress cues so I know the best time to touch my baby and when to stop. This was helpful. I enjoyed learning about this. I was able to read Tyler very well by the end of our stay and I knew that he enjoyed us touching him.

5. Do Show me how to do things that I can do to help care for my baby. Let me change his diaper. Show me how to bathe him. Show ME how to do all I can for him. He is mine. You are there in MY place. Also keep encouraging me to pump and provide milk for him. It helped so much to have the Nurse thank me for giving him MY milk and telling me I was doing him a great service.

6.Do Realize that once I am able to do some kind of activity for my baby, it is really stressful to have a staff member decline my doing it because they are unable to help. We became pro's at seeing the needs of Tyler. I remember one day we were lowering his oxygen( which we had done TONS of times before) because he was in the 100's and beeping. We lowered it a little and went on our way. A nurse from across the room came and got mad at us. This was right at the stage of finding ROP and we didn't need him to be over oxygenated. I was so angry since our own nurse had allowed us to change his needs. We were his parents and wouldn't do anything to hurt him.

7.Do Acknowledge when we do things correctly, praise us, thank us! Lisa was great at this. She was always more than happy to let us do things on our own and then thank us for changing a poopy diaper. She was always so good to Ty.

8.Do Tell me how to touch my baby in a developmental and soothing way. I loved our OT at PCMC for teaching us so much about Ty and how to help him calm himself. She taught us so much about his need to be swaddled and encouraged us to hold him.

9. Do Allow me to hold my baby as early as possible-it is the best part of being a parent. We didn't get to hold Tyler for 3 weeks. They were admitting a baby the first day we were told we could hold him. I was so angry I left screaming at the staff. The next day they had just got done admitting one so I was able to hold my precious little boy. It took several staff members but it was well worth it. Both of us held him that day. From then on when he did so well we were encouraged to hold him every other day. Soon we were transferred and holding was encouraged all the time. And every day is what we did.

10. Do Help me to do Kangaroo Care as early as possible. Please check on me during this time to make sure I am okay. We actually never did actual Kangaroo care. One time I went there in between classes at school to pump and the nurse asked if I would try it. We were starting to get Ty to eat and she wanted him to taste my milk and she wanted to see if it would increase my supply. Other than that one attempt we never did it. BUT he wasn't lacking in the holding department. We would have to decide who held first. It was the best time of the day.


The DON'Ts

1. Don't Tell me my baby had a bradycardia because I was touching him, feeding him, or doing something wrong. It hurts our feelings and makes us feel even more inadequate as their parents. We have to leave our child there with you because we can't take care of them. We have enough guilt. Be gentle with our feelings.

2.Don't Please never treat me as if I am stupid. All of the medical terms and information are very difficult to understand and comprehend at times, especially since I am probably feeling a tremendous amount of stress. I was lucky to have some medical knowledge so when I read the notes or listened I knew what they were talking about. However, I am not attesting to be a doctor. Know that when you use the big words we WILL GOOGLE and we will find out what you said and we will not always be happy. Treat us as if you would like to be treated.

3. Don't Write harsh judgements about me in the nurse's notes, unless the information you are recording is known to you without question from both observation and communication. We were lucky about this one as well. Our Nurse was fabulous. I loved once we got primary nurses I KNEW who would be there and what care he would get.

4.Don't Assume anything about me or my family if we are unable to visit regularly. My family may be very loving and supportive, but cannot come to the NICU for other reasons. We had such a willing support system. Me and Dallas however, very RARELY didn't make it up. One of us was there every day. I think in the 93 days of our stay we missed 2 days. One was surgery day for me and one we just needed a day with each other. We were both pretty down. But if one was down one was usually up at the hospital. Our parents made it as often as they could.

5. Don't Sound annoyed or make insensitive comments when I call to check on my baby. The phone is sometimes my only connection to my precious baby. I had NO idea that the times I called it was written in his chart as family interaction. I was a avid 2 hour caller. If I wasn't there I was calling every 2 hours ( except at night)but it was the first thing I did in the morning ( even before hitting the bathroom.) I would tell them when I would be there and I would call 2 hours later. Poor nurses.

6.Don't Do the tasks that I have already been doing (bath, diapers, feedings, etc.) if you know I am on the way to the nursery. It takes away what little parenting I can do. This was huge. We LONGED to do the cares for our child. If you knew we were coming.. We promise he can wait.

7.Don't Act as if breast-feeding is not crucial for my baby. There is enough scientific evidence of its importance to preemies that it should be encouraged to breastfeed. However, if I am unable to produce milk, please do not make me feel inadequate by comparing me to all the other mothers who have no problem with lactating. Lucky for me our lactation lady was around alot. I didn't produce much milk but I pumped, and pumped and pumped. I felt horrible for not getting enough. BUT he had a freezer full and he had fresh stuff while I was there. I personally feel it is important for him to get it. Next baby... Feeding till they are 8!! ( ok not really but for as long as I can!)

8. Don't Talk loudly or keep the lights on unnecessarily. Again not a huge thing for us. They had the lights down at night and they did their best to keep it quiet.

9. Please be careful to not share information about a baby with the wrong person. Please check and double check that you have the correct information with the correct parent. We had this problem when we were readmitted the first surgery. We shared with a baby named Taylor Braun. Our name was Tyler Brown. A little to close for comfort. But I can tell you that the sound proof curtain DOES NOT WORK!! But we were happy to have Erin and Maeve on the other side. That way we always had someone there!

10. Don't Talk about a baby in a negative way when the parents are gone. It is morally wrong, very unprofessional, and may also hurt other parent's feelings (wondering what they say about my baby when I am not here). Again the staff we had were wonderful. I did overhear a few times that Maeve ( Tyler's girlfriend) needed some onsies and to call mom so we just Loaned her some of ours. Ty didnt' mind and he Loved her :) Our staff was wonderful.


Trust me ladies.. there are lots more.

If any preemie moms or other readers have specific things they would like to see or ask some specific questions about prematurity.. By all means PLEASE let me know. Leave a comment or Email me!!