Special Needs and Chores

We have a some what offensive term in our household regarding Tyler and his chores. It falls into many categories and not just with us as his parents. EVERYONE around us does it. It doesn’t just happen to Tyler but to kids that are sick, or handicapped or just cute. We call it “ The crippled kid syndrome.”

Mind you, if you said it, you would probably get some nasty looks regarding your words but the syndrome could be dubbed anything. Like “ sick kid syndrome,” Our kid has issues syndrome” Cute syndrome.” Grandma syndrome” or “sucker syndrome!”

All the syndromes are the same. Basically, because things are hard for Ty to do them AND they take forever we just either 1) do it for him or 2) he tries and cries and we do it for him. The biggest part of the syndrome is when you go someplace, Ty is SO polite that people just give him stuff. While it is nice sometimes, it can create massive problems when he CAN’T have something.

Fast forward to Ty being “ Almost 8” and has no chores to do. Not kidding. I do EVERYTHING. Dallas is doing the best he can to help me but I would get all sad when I saw all the fun stuff on toddlers doing chores and yet my 8 year old isn’t doing anything.

I went on a search. What chores can my visually impaired kiddo do?  Should they even have them? How long can I do everything? Is it showing responsibility to allow Ty to do nothing. Not even put his plate in the sink.

So I googled searched and Pintrest shopped. I came up with some things for Ty to do. And in turn also found some toddler ideas that Ty and Grayson can do.

What I found was interesting. There is nothing on what chores a visually impaired person should do. But there are a lot of reasons they SHOULD do something.

The NFB ( National Foundation for the Blind) encourages you to give your child chores. But to also be understanding that the task WILL take several times longer than a typical child. He will also need hand over hand until he is proficient. He will fight you. And most of all, once you have something he can do, you CANNOT change the drawer or location of the items that he is expected to do.

What we have implemented:

• A reward system: Using a jar and cotton balls as tokens Ty is able to add his tokens into the jar for things he has done to help during the day. While this worked REALLY well at first, we took the jar off the table and have forgotten. But we still remind him to earn tokens and when he misbehaves we remind him that we can take them away.  He has picked the reward and he cannot go until he earns the money. He can go bowling someplace else, but he can’t go to the place he wants to go, Flipside.
• If he doesn’t do the chores or be kind or show us respect, he loses some of his tokens. That gets him going so quickly. He doesn’t like to fail and he likes his reward. He earns the tokens at everything including his therapy. 
• We ask, he does. If he needs help we slow down

What are his chores and what adaptations have we made: 

• Ty puts away the silverware in the dishwasher. I take it over, remind him by physically putting his hands on all the slots where the utensils go. He can’t handle the knives so I do those. He has to be reminded where each slot is, but he does it and he can do it faster as the days go on. 
• He is suppose to help bring the plates to the kitchen sink. He, however, can’t do that if anything is on it. We have lost SO many plates this summer. He has to have someone close by to help him get it to the sink. 
• He helps clean up the carpet ( aka, the sitting room) and he needs a lot of direction because he can’t see all of the stuff that needs to be picked up. He just simple can’t do it. 
• Ty can separate clothes in the laundry room. I pick up the basket of stuff, he sorts it. He can start the laundry with me pointing out the  buttons. He can also help me with moving them into the dryer. 
• Ty has to return the laundry baskets to each room. 
• Ty has to put away his own clothes. 

Grayson’s chores:

• Cleaning up the floor with Ty and Dallas 
• turning on the dishwasher
• When Ty brings in the small clothes hamper from the Boys bathroom, Grayson puts it in the right bins. 
• Grayson puts away his folded laundry.
• Grayson is able to help put the toys in the playroom away. 

Both boys: 

• Hang up their towels and hang in Ty’s room. 
• Make sure Ty’s room is clean of clutter so he can get around.

Adaptations for Ty make thing so much longer. They just do. But he is learning. There is a HUGE satisfaction in hearing him tell his dad that he did it all by himself. We are proud of him. 

So why do we ask our blind kids to do chores? 

• We teach them that they can do something on their own. Especially hard things. 
• We are teaching them to work as a team because we have to be able to work together to get things done. 
• Gives him something to work for. We found the right reward that works for chores, but not for the bathroom. So we keep trying to figure out what works for each situation
• We need and want Tyler to be independent some day. We have to start somewhere.

Chores and responsibility has made him become a bit more grown up. He is more aware that things need to go in the trash. That we have garbage that needs to go out. That he can take stuff to the trash. He can listen to directions and do what is asked. 

What chores do you guys have your kids do?

Cerebral Palsy Awareness: Activities of Daily Living

We recently saw a new doctor for Tyler. It was a rehab doctor. It has taken us so much time to get into one down here. In the mean time we are heading to Utah for phenol injections the end of March. While in the appointment the physiatrist, she was concerned about his lack of Activity of Daily living ( or ADL’s) and the amount of stuff that I am doing for him. It was a very hard visit for me.

Cerebral Palsy limits what Tyler can do for himself.  THEN, Tyler’s mom limits the stuff he WILL do for himself. He has a manipulative side that he uses. And I am a sucker and plays into it. Sometimes it is a matter of time instead of manipulation, but still the same concept.

So, what does the CP limit? 

For Ty he can’t rotate his arms or reach up and touch his shoulders by bending at the elbow. That makes it almost impossible to take off his shirt alone. If we do one arm out he can do the rest, but it takes him a LONG time. So the majority of his dressing is done by me.

Pants. Holy MESS! He can get them down but it is really difficult because of his arm movement. So pulling UP is even more of a disaster. It also makes going to the bathroom a joke. I am the one that does the dressing of the pants because he can’t bend down to even get them on.

Shoes are a no go. He can’t bend to get them on. I do that part. He can’t do socks. Same problem.

Brushing his teeth is somewhat OK. But he needs extra help to get to the other part of his mouth. So one side gets done really well and I do the other side. He also can’t spit! Who knew!

Going to the bathroom. This is where we are totally at a loss. He is finally getting to where he will tell us he had an accident but it is always right after the fact. No one is sure if his muscles don’t work in that region or not. He is not dry in the morning times and he really doesn’t care, until recently, that he is dirty or wet. But adding the difficulty of moving quickly, feeling he has to go, getting his pants up and down on his own, it creates a disaster!

Getting in and out of the shower or tub. He does most of that on his own. It is very awkward looking and kind of scary to watch but he does great. He however, can’t wash himself in the shower. That is also my job.

Getting in the car is something he can do. He however, cannot do up his seat belt. I do that for him. He can’t get OUT of the car easily so I do that for him. Also, after going grocery shopping or something that he has had to work really hard doing, he needs help. So I have to carry and/or put him in the car myself.

Going into school on his own. He cannot do that. I can’t drive up to the curb and drop him off, however, that isn’t JUST from his Cerebral palsy. The cerebral palsy just makes it so that he needs us to help him get across the street so he is safe. His blindness makes it so he doesnt’ see the cars or the curb.

Tyler can’t work the remote on the TV. He relies on us to do that. Not just a vision thing either. His fine motor skills are terrible. He can’t even right his name.

He can’t make any breakfast on his own. He can’t use a spoon or a fork for a long time so he tends to use his fingers for everything.

His cerebral palsy also inhibits his sensory system and he doesn’t and CAN’T drink water. He gags. So he has to have other accommodations.

Going to the grocery store. He can’t walk the whole time. He has to sit in a cart. I get to only do half the grocery shopping because there isn’t any place for the food with a 7 year old in the cart. And I get to lift him in and out of the cart. If we have a baby in the cart with us, we have a good time.

Tyler also can’t process things in certain situations. His Cerebral Palsy and sensory system sure took a beating. But he has meltdowns. To the outsider, it looks like a temper tantrum. But for kids with sensory issues and problems, they don’t care who is watching. They don’t stop when they get the attention they want. He meltsdown for the literal fact that he can’t process what is going on.

( This was a sensory overload for Tyler. He was all done within a few minutes)

That might help people understand what I do for Tyler. But what he does for me....

He is always so thankful for me to help him. When I pick his shirt up or get it on him, he says “Oh Thank you mommy.”

When I change his diaper, he always tells me he is sorry he had an accident and that poopies have germs. And when we get done he says “ oh mom you are the best!”

Please and thank you are always there.

When I read him a story he is so excited and tells me that I am the best story teller in the whole world and maybe even the mystery planet.

He tells me that I am the best mom. He also says that his Dad gives the best kisses. He also thinks that we have some of the BEST ideas ever!

The smallest things make him so happy. And the best and easiest thing is to be his mom because he really does try so hard.