Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Pots and Kettles

You know that time that you are reading something and you think.. "SHUT UP! I do/did/ OMG that is happening, all the time."

Yeah, that is me.

Facebook. Oh dear facebook... You teach so many lessons.

Recently a friend/acquaintance that has spent the last year going through a trauma posted about people complaining about mundane things, when they should be thankful because they are not seeing  their baby dying or being sick. And I realized I use to do that.

I say use to because I did. Something I learned is that I can't judge a person by what I have had to go through.

Example #1: When I was pregnant and shortly( 8 years or so... cause it still bugs me but I don't say anything any more) after it bothered me to no end when people would complain about being pregnant. One of my best friends from my mission married a girl. They had a typical pregnancy and I was friends with his wife while they were going through their pregnancy. She started to complain about her pregnancy at 32 weeks. She was really adamant about some things and I made what I  thought was a innocent comment and I got hate mail. LOT of it.

See, having had a 25 weeker, I can attest that having a baby early is not the best idea. I have learned that people never think that their kids will never come early. They, like myself, never imagine that the inside of doctors offices would feel like home, or that you will become best friends with your pediatrician. But then it happens. So hearing people complain about mundane things, like being uncomfortable and wanting an early baby would make my hide chapped.
But I have learned to them, they will never experience what I did, in order to be upset about anything else. Therefore, I can't expect the to understand why it would hurt my feelings.

Example #2: On Facebook ( see I told you, the place is FULL of life lessons.) there  is a run on moms who get worried or upset over sending their kids into the operating room for ear tubes or strabismus surgery. They carry on like this ONE surgery is the end of the world. I think " Come on, it isn't brain surgery."   But then I realize that this is just as hard for them as something like brain surgery, or botox is for us. Botox is no big deal. We don't think of the eye surgery or tubes as a big deal because we have done brain surgery, but the feelings of handing over your child is the same going in for small or big. Every mom is torn as the surgeon walks away with their child.
Something that I am not perfect at but am trying really hard is making sure I look at it not from my experience but theirs and then not passing judgment on them for what choices they make.  I don't know why they make the ones they do. I know what  and why I have chosen what I have based on what I have gone through.

I guess, I am calling myself out. The pot calling the kettle black. In hopes of becoming better!

"Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is that charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!
Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, “Yeah, I remember it. Doyou remember this?” Splat.
And soon enough everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.
Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is just not right! It is not the gospel of Jesus Christ. In some ways it is worse than Lot’s wife because at least she destroyed only herself. In cases of marriage and family, wards and branches, apartments and neighborhoods, we can end up destroying so many others." * Elder Holland*


jennohara said...


Laurie said...

I love what you said about looking at things from their experience. That is golden advice. I must stop and try doing that. My son has Duchenne muscular dystrophy and I'm certain that people don't see things like I do. I have learned not to be so judgemental and have found that I don't like my former self sometimes. Youth has a way of clouding things that age makes bright and clear. Experience has the same effect. Thanks for your words.